1.5 miles down!

First day of 10K training done! It was ok. Slightly less than I had been doing. I'm doing it again tomorrow. I don't think you're supposed to run back to back (not 100% sure), but my "long" run (in this week, 2 miles) is on Sunday, and I want to use Saturday as my rest day.

I'm still on the treadmill. Today was my first running day with my new shoes. They felt pretty good. I'm gonna finish my week out on the treadmill and then head outside if all feels good. Nutrition wise I've been good. No major slips. I had pizza on Tuesday, but I was within my calories and it was only 2 small slices of the chicken lovers from Pizza Hut. I'm not going to lie, I'm expecting a good loss tomorrow. I've been chugging my water, watching my sodium and sugar and hope that the number goes down.

In other news, I had a job interview this week for a top college in Toronto. I really want the position. I'd be perfect for it, and it's more money than I am currently making. I made it to the second round and I'm feeling cautiously optimistic. If I did get it, I could continue my personal training and get a handle on my debt. So it's been a very stressful week. I don't know when I'm going to hear back, but I really hope it's soon! I have to give 4 weeks notice (it's in my contract), so I'd really like to give it sooner than later (really hope I'm not jinxing this!!!) Cross your fingers for me!

Gotta make dinner. This was a double workout day for me so I'm getting pretty hungry. Have a great Thursday!

Gettin' ma groove back

There's nothing like a competition like situation to get you rearing to go. I used to love competing. I was good at it. So it's kinda cool to have a piece of that back now. Tomorrow I start my 10K training. Tomorrow I also have a trainer appt...which means it's a double workout day. But I really wanted to start the 10K training this week. So I have a 1.5 mile run tomorrow which I will do inside cause I'm still test driving my new runners. My plan is to set up a different program for the warm up and run because I have a problem with including my warm up in the workout because then the pacing is skewed (it looks like I've run farther than I have). Bit tedious but whatever.

My plan is 3 days of running with 2 cross training (strength essentially). It's basically what I have been doing, but on a slightly more intense level. That and a more structured nutrition plan (including protein shakes and more green leafy things!)

Glad to have shed my funk and ready to get going!

Race Breakdown

So I made it through the 5K. Proud of myself. I did have to stop. A lot. Much much more than I anticipated/wanted. I had this idea that I could do it without stopping. I probably could have if I had ran more consistently in the past 3 weeks or so. But with developing shin splints about a month ago because my shoes were worn out I had to resort to other forms of cardio because it was just too damn painful. I got new shoes, but they too hurt my feet. So I didn't get as much running in as I would have liked. A month ago I did 5K (on the treadmill but still) without stopping. So I knew I could do it. It just didn't happen this time. That's ok. I'm gonna do the Scotiabank Waterfront Marathon 5K in October and I'm going to do it without stopping.

My time was 35:58 (bib time, which I count as my official time). I was 152/364 in my category, and 555/1300-ish in my gender. So I was above the 50% mark which I was pretty stoked about. I sprinted to the end, lol. It was a beautiful day to run along Toronto's waterfront. My two friends I ran with both beat me but I don't frickin care, lol.

So that's the good stuff. The bad stuff...the race (with 3000 5K participants, who knows how many half and full marathoners) was baaaaaaadly organised. All the 5K ppl were wandering around asking where the start was. The directions on the web site were abysmal. We had no idea where we were going, there was no signage at all. But we finally made it to the start. Second, they didn't use the corral system the way that the Scotiabank Waterfront 5K does (you line up according to your pace). Now, the Scotiabank one has 6000 5K runners, but still, 3000 is a pretty decent number of people to have them jammed in willy nilly. Let the fast people stand at the front, I don't care. I don't want to be the one who hinders a speedy gonzales just because I happened to line up before him/her. Third, there were no race markers. The only race markers were at 3 and 4K. I am goal oriented. I NEED to know how far I've come and how far there is left to go. I know it's only 5K, but please have markers for each km. I don't know if this is just me. But personally I need it for pacing. I don't want to go all out if I have 4 bloody km to go. I also want to know if I can afford to walk at this moment or if I should push through it. That was friggin annoying. But the piece de resistance? THERE WAS NO WATER on the course!!! NONE! You know what there was? A water table set up at about 3.5 km with people with HOSES and those plastic milk jugs (the ones that usually hold the milk bags)...uh, what am I supposed to do with that? Again, I realise that this is not a huge distance, but there were kids and older people doing that run. It was also pretty warm, full beating sun since we started at 12:00 pm. To not have water is beyond comprehensible. It appears that they ran out of cups or something. Inexcusable in my opinion. I just kept going. I didn't want a frickin hose, I just wanted a cup of water. When I finally saw the finish line I gunned it...felt like my legs were gonna fly right off, lol. Got my medal and picture, and tried to find water. Was it in the tent with the bagels and fruit? Nope. Was it in the tent with the chocolate milk? Nope. It was set way off in the corner with about a million people between me and the water table. Not cool. Apparently some people were really pissed off. I was too, to be honest (ahem, in case you couldn't tell).

So running wise it was good for me (besides the too much walking)...but the organisation sucked. I kind of expect more when I pay $50 for a race. My next task is a 10K train run in July. I'm starting the training on Tuesday. Inside cause I'm still trying out shoes and if I wear them outside I can't take them back. My biggest challenge is that I am going to Vegas on the May long weekend. I'm not worried about when I am there...I am worried for when I get back. It's always so hard to get back at it following a vacation.

Time for bed...it's been a loooong day :) Time for some rest.

Internal Motivation

What's yours? I'm on a mission to find mine. At least mine that lasts longer than 3 months. Have you ever watched the tv show X-Weighted? On it there is a weight loss goal as well as a fitness goal. I think the fitness goal is almost as important as the weight loss goal since we all know that focusing just on the numbers can get pretty damn frustrating. So I have chosen a fitness goal. My friend, who I usually run my races with (and by "usually" I mean the grand total of TWO that I have ever done (or will have done by tomorrow afternoon, lol) asked me if I wanted to do a 10K in August along the Grand River. Having barely done 5K before, I was skeptical. I "struggle" with 5K. And I put struggle in " " cause I think it's mainly mental. A big ol' game of "omg, I've never done this before so I can't consistently do it now" But why the hell can't I do 10K? I'm gonna make myself into a runner if it kills me. This is the one thing that I have never truly given up on. I always come back to it. Even when I am "off" so to speak, I always start again by coming back to running. Can't say that about other forms of cardio. I also love resistance training, but that's beside the point right now.

So I googled (love google) 10K training programs. Armed with an 8 week program and mapmyrun.com (cause I so can't afford a Garmin or similar right now) I am going to start training for 10K this week. This is my fitness goal. I haven't concretely found the website for the run, but I *think* it's this one: http://guelphvictors.ca/display.php?page=Fergus cause my friend mentioned lunch and swimming at her parents' house afterwards (I think she was trying to bribe me, lol), and I think they live in Cambridge. So Fergus would be close. On a bonus, if this is the one, I can go to the Scottish highland games! lol. (dad's side of the family came over from Scotland in the 1800s...it's in my blood).

The training program starts with 1.5 miles (2.4 ish km) which I can already do. I've been doing about 2ish miles already, steady state, so 1.5 shouldn't be a problem. The other big news? I'm gonna do it outside. I am going to do all of my training (minus the brutally hot days and potentially rainy days, ew) outside. I have a course all mapped out for Tuesday and I'm excited.

I want something tangible I can focus on. Not the fluctuation frustration of the scale. Maybe this can be the internal motivation that I need? I want to focus on my fitness. Building my muscle, increasing my cardio endurance. I'm not going to stop weighing in, but I will have more of a focus on the other things. I need to find what works for me otherwise I'm never going to make it.

Nearing the end

Of my 3 month commitment with my personal trainer. I really couldn't afford her the first time, and I definitely can't afford a renewal. And I'm not even sure I would renew. In the beginning, let's say the first 6 weeks, it was great. But after I hurt my back and had some limitations I felt that she just kinda checked out. Stopped checking in with me on my off days, and I got 2 at home workouts in the entire 12 weeks. I personally would have thought that the amount of money paid for this I would have gotten more than 2 at home workouts. Then there's this attitude in the workouts. And honestly, I don't like it. Today I was going through mountain climbers (I hate mountain climbers) and she kept pushing (but let me make it clear that it wasn't positive pushing, it had a rough angle to it that I didn't like) and she kept saying "go! you ate crap, you have to get that crap out!" Uh, when did I say I ate nothing but crap?? I said I had a rough time on Saturday and Sunday, but it wasn't even close to how bad my eating was in the past. I just kinda had bigger portions of some things like carbs and salt. That does not equate yelling at me during mountain climbers. And I stopped and told her that. Not cool.

It's like as soon as I started to struggle, she checked out. wtf? Isn't that when I need her the most?? And today when I told her that I was getting frickin tired of trying so hard, tired of being healthy (like I usually am at this point, like 3-4 months in), all she said was "gotta control the mind". Uh, ok...sure, I'll get right on that. Good advice. I know I need to control my mind! But perhaps I need external motivation and support to help me. That's what I was looking for.

See, this is my pattern...I am gung ho for about 3 months-ish...then I falter and I start to wear down and lose my motivation. That's why I got a personal trainer, to get me past that point. I'm just not sure it's working. It doesn't matter regardless. Even if I was 100% sure about everything, I can't afford to renew. So I will have to go back to doing it on my own. I have a lot of resources at my disposal, and maybe I need to work out my own demons by myself.

What do you do when...

Your workout kinda sucks and then you get home late and you make a dinner you've had before (and liked it), to only hate it this time? That's where I was at 9pm this evening. I had a rough run...no big deal. I didn't get angry, I kinda just laughed it off. Is it possible for the treadmill at my regular gym to be different from the one in my condo? And no, not mph versus km/h. This time I couldn't make it 10 mins without stopping. It was weird. I don't know why. It was the first run in my new shoes. That with the later workout and being leg tired from my workout the day before could have contributed. It's weird...it's not like my body isn't used to working out back to back, 5-ish days per week. Don't know why I'd get tired now all of a sudden.

So I leave the gym and go home. Bf's out with friends until an indeterminate time (that's a whole other point of discussion that I'm not gonna open up here), and I cooked something I liked that I had on the meal plan for today. Couldn't even get through a quarter of it. Blech. I hate it when that happens because then I feel so unsatisfied and I automatically head for the junk. So I portioned out some tortilla chips and skim mozza cheese and had me some nachos. Tracked it all. If I hadn't had that damn lindt chocolate I woulda managed nachos within my daily plan! lol. Oh well. Still OP for me :)

It's a change from what I would have done. There would have been no tracking, no portioning out, no control whatsoever. I wasn't satisfied from dinner, but that doesn't give me license to pig out. That makes me happy.

Time to sleep so my trainer can kill me tmr :)

Anger Issues

This is likely not news to my close friends and family, lol. But I do. I have anger issues. Today was my last session with my counsellor and I mentioned that the bf and I have been fighting a lot lately. And that I've had a lot of anger in the last several weeks about my weight loss. I don't have an outlet for my anger. So when small things happen (aka, a stupid comment from the bf, or a bad experience at the running room), I explode. I actually, in a sick twisted way, look forward to fighting with my bf cause I can yell and swear and get everything out. But that's not healthy. So it was my last free session with my counsellor. I only got 6 sessions cause it's through Warren Shapell through my bf's benefit package. But I think I want to continue seeing her. So because I started with her for weight loss issues, I'm gonna call back and request her for my anger issues.

We had our differences, but today I went over that with her. How I was feeling so much pressure from all sides (trainer, nutritionist, and counsellor) that I felt like a puppy who was being hit on her nose with a newspaper but had no reason why. So I think since I aired my grievances that we should be able to move forward positively.

What I also want to do is take this girls only kickboxing, MMA boot camp. I think I need to hit something, lol. I need to get this anger out. Regular exercise doesn't do that. But whenever I've done boxing etc., it's gotten some of the frustration out.

In running news, I went to a different Running Room location since the one I went to downtown Toronto sucked. Horrible experience. This one tried out 3 different pairs of shoes and told me the ones I was forced into at the other location are really too extreme for me. I bought a pair of Saucony and I have 30 days to try them out indoors to see if I like them. Going to go for a run tomorrow. I'm not expecting my shin splints to go away over night, but hopefully with proper shoes it will eventually go away.

Gotta keep the positivity coming :)