Who has a plan to lose? What about maintain? What about saying to hell with it and letting the chips (oooh and dip!) fall where they may? This is a dangerous dangerous time of year. I don't have a specific plan of action as of yet. I have a basic outline, but nothing concrete. First, let me tally up the food events for me this season:
1) dinner with a good girlfriend of mine to do present swap for both of our respective birthdays plus Christmas
2) My mom gets into town next week: 1 Indian buffet; 1 movie outing; 1 birthday dinner (my mom's) - this all within about 2-3 days
3) Christmas Eve - traditionally an appetizer evening with all the good (read: bad) foods I don't eat throughout the rest of the year
4) Christmas Day - need I say more?
5) Mandarin Buffet (my birthday, my choice)
6) Birthday #2 - party thrown by a friend of mine.
Holy cow.
My plan this holiday season, honestly, is just to maintain. Because it looks like food is kinda out of control, my action plan is to be as active as possible. I've already checked out the spin classes that will be running during that holiday week, plus with the gym in my building it's not that hard to get to.
I am also going to enjoy myself. I do not eat like this throughout the year, and I have been truly living this plan for over 2 months now. This includes splurge meals. I'm going to treat my days as I normally would and see what happens.
Besides, I have a whole week before the craziness starts in. Let's see what I can accomplish in that time.
WI tomorrow, so I'm excited to see how this week went. Otherwise, time to finish marking for my last IELTS class on Saturday and prepare for my holiday next week!
Showing posts with label gym. Show all posts
Showing posts with label gym. Show all posts
Thursday, 13 December 2012
Saturday, 13 October 2012
Self Esteem is nice
I did a baby resistance workout today. Nothing too crazy. Just a body weight/kettle bell weight (cause I didn't want to go all the way down to my gym where the regular free weights are) lower body routine that I found in Pinterest.
I left it pretty late in the day. I ended up making turkey soup from the leftovers from Monday (a little late, but my mom was remiss in sending me the time honoured recipe from my youth), as well as buttermilk biscuits from the WW site. Full dinner for about 6 pp or so (wasn't sure how to calculate home made turkey broth...did chicken broth instead, but I'm sure mine had a lot more fat in it). I was tired from working and cooking/baking but I made myself do it in order to get the popcorn and coke zero I was saving for my after dinner snack. So I sucked it up and just did it.
I was still a little bit scared. My bf is working in the same room and I didn't want/couldn't handle any judgement. I actually asked him to not make fun of me (pre-emptive I guess). He's never made fun of me working out before...but I was still nervous.
So I think what I am accomplishing is slowly breaking down the mental barriers that I somehow put up for myself in the past two months. I like having my self-esteem up where it's supposed to be. So it feels really good to have set plans for myself over the past couple days and actually have achieved them.
I even have points left over for the day. Not really planning on having them since I think my dinner was underestimated.
Now to get through tomorrow.
I left it pretty late in the day. I ended up making turkey soup from the leftovers from Monday (a little late, but my mom was remiss in sending me the time honoured recipe from my youth), as well as buttermilk biscuits from the WW site. Full dinner for about 6 pp or so (wasn't sure how to calculate home made turkey broth...did chicken broth instead, but I'm sure mine had a lot more fat in it). I was tired from working and cooking/baking but I made myself do it in order to get the popcorn and coke zero I was saving for my after dinner snack. So I sucked it up and just did it.
I was still a little bit scared. My bf is working in the same room and I didn't want/couldn't handle any judgement. I actually asked him to not make fun of me (pre-emptive I guess). He's never made fun of me working out before...but I was still nervous.
So I think what I am accomplishing is slowly breaking down the mental barriers that I somehow put up for myself in the past two months. I like having my self-esteem up where it's supposed to be. So it feels really good to have set plans for myself over the past couple days and actually have achieved them.
I even have points left over for the day. Not really planning on having them since I think my dinner was underestimated.
Now to get through tomorrow.
Friday, 12 October 2012
Update
So I didn't get my resistance workout in. Fear? No, I don't think so. I forgot about it until I was eating dinner and was like, crap! I was supposed to work out. Not cool. This clearly shows how little of an impact fitness has made on my life. Two months ago I wouldn't have forgotten to work out. However, I was avoiding going home before sun down because fasting people are cranky, but beside the point. When I was fully committed before this wouldn't have happened.
I'm not beating myself up about it, don't get me wrong. I found it kind of funny actually. What I took away from it is that it wasn't fear. I didn't talk myself out of working out...I just forgot to schedule it in. Scheduling it in is a lot easier than dealing with fear, so I am ok with that.
After I get home from teaching tomorrow I will do it. Because I have the whole afternoon and because it would be a really nice esteem booster.
My other update? Yes, I joined meetings again. There is a 9am that I can get to before work that is sort of on the way. It is predominantly older people, but I think that's the demographic that comes out to 9 am meetings :) It felt good to be back. The result on the scale was another story, but if someone ever needed a wake up call, it's me.
I tracked everything I ate today. Even though I went to Red Lobster for dinner as a treat for my bf. I tracked that as best I could, and as a result, on the very first day of my tracking week I am down to about 20 WPs. I also ate two cookies early today. But I marked them down. Fridays were normally when I'd stop tracking. Not this time. Me and weekends are going to have a conversation, and I am going to win.
So there are my updates. Tomorrow I will write about how successful my resistance workout was. Because it will be.
I'm not beating myself up about it, don't get me wrong. I found it kind of funny actually. What I took away from it is that it wasn't fear. I didn't talk myself out of working out...I just forgot to schedule it in. Scheduling it in is a lot easier than dealing with fear, so I am ok with that.
After I get home from teaching tomorrow I will do it. Because I have the whole afternoon and because it would be a really nice esteem booster.
My other update? Yes, I joined meetings again. There is a 9am that I can get to before work that is sort of on the way. It is predominantly older people, but I think that's the demographic that comes out to 9 am meetings :) It felt good to be back. The result on the scale was another story, but if someone ever needed a wake up call, it's me.
I tracked everything I ate today. Even though I went to Red Lobster for dinner as a treat for my bf. I tracked that as best I could, and as a result, on the very first day of my tracking week I am down to about 20 WPs. I also ate two cookies early today. But I marked them down. Fridays were normally when I'd stop tracking. Not this time. Me and weekends are going to have a conversation, and I am going to win.
So there are my updates. Tomorrow I will write about how successful my resistance workout was. Because it will be.
Wednesday, 10 October 2012
Not so scary
Yesterday I made the plan to go to spin class...and guess what? I actually went to spin class. It was hard. So hard. My legs were killing me. My breath was short. I felt like I weighed a tonne sitting on that bike. Really, mirrors in spin class are just mean. Anyway...I was also the biggest person in that room. That galled a bit. But as the demonic instructor was yelling at us I just focused on what I saw in the mirror. I focused on the bulge of my butt, the extra wide hips and I stared them down. I focused on them and just imagined that they were shrinking. That the pain and breathlessness were those heinous parts of me melting away. Gave me strength when I wanted to stop pedalling.
That was the hardest part. Getting in the door. Actually sucking it up and getting to the gym. I was scared. I admit that. There was total fear involved. I'm not proud of it. I don't feel like I totally conquered that fear. I feel better going to spin class. I'll go again next week, and I really want to go to the one the week after that since Goodlife is opening a brand new gym for that gym and the cycling room looks amazing. But I'm still scared of my resistance workouts. Scared to get into the gym and do what I did before. Scared for my back. Scared of how I look in the mirrors and what others may be thinking (though I realise this is in my head, but still...) Seeing how squishy I've gotten in the past 2 months. Not being able to use the amount of weight I did before. So many fears and self-doubts running around in my head.
I have tomorrow planned as my resistance day. Either at the gym in my condo, or at a Goodlife on the way home. It's a lower body workout. Lot of body weight exercises with speed burst cardio built in. I don't want to build up this huge program in my head and intimidate myself. I've done that before.
I can't psych myself out. I am my own worst enemy, and getting back into fitness is scary and hard for me. I'll update tomorrow on how it went.
In other news....I'm going to a WW meeting on Friday. I'm not even telling my bf. I don't need any negative reactions right now. I'm just pretending that I have to go early to work. I haven't been the biggest WW supporter in the last 2 years or so. But one of the main reasons I stopped going to meetings is because I didn't have one that I liked, and I can't do online...if you're capable of doing online, just use MFP...way better tracking system, and it's free. I was the most successful doing meetings. I've never replicated that on my own. Huh, guess all the research behind their product makes sense ;)
I am going to try. I was cleaning out my closet this past weekend and found my weight tracker from 2009. I was down to 139. Holy sh*t was all I could think. It was a real kick in the pants, eye opener, whatever cliched phrase you want to use. And I consistently went down each week. I went from 152 to 139 in about 7-8 weeks or so. Not too shabby.
Time to mark some papers and prepare for my weekend teaching gig...the fun never ends :)
That was the hardest part. Getting in the door. Actually sucking it up and getting to the gym. I was scared. I admit that. There was total fear involved. I'm not proud of it. I don't feel like I totally conquered that fear. I feel better going to spin class. I'll go again next week, and I really want to go to the one the week after that since Goodlife is opening a brand new gym for that gym and the cycling room looks amazing. But I'm still scared of my resistance workouts. Scared to get into the gym and do what I did before. Scared for my back. Scared of how I look in the mirrors and what others may be thinking (though I realise this is in my head, but still...) Seeing how squishy I've gotten in the past 2 months. Not being able to use the amount of weight I did before. So many fears and self-doubts running around in my head.
I have tomorrow planned as my resistance day. Either at the gym in my condo, or at a Goodlife on the way home. It's a lower body workout. Lot of body weight exercises with speed burst cardio built in. I don't want to build up this huge program in my head and intimidate myself. I've done that before.
I can't psych myself out. I am my own worst enemy, and getting back into fitness is scary and hard for me. I'll update tomorrow on how it went.
In other news....I'm going to a WW meeting on Friday. I'm not even telling my bf. I don't need any negative reactions right now. I'm just pretending that I have to go early to work. I haven't been the biggest WW supporter in the last 2 years or so. But one of the main reasons I stopped going to meetings is because I didn't have one that I liked, and I can't do online...if you're capable of doing online, just use MFP...way better tracking system, and it's free. I was the most successful doing meetings. I've never replicated that on my own. Huh, guess all the research behind their product makes sense ;)
I am going to try. I was cleaning out my closet this past weekend and found my weight tracker from 2009. I was down to 139. Holy sh*t was all I could think. It was a real kick in the pants, eye opener, whatever cliched phrase you want to use. And I consistently went down each week. I went from 152 to 139 in about 7-8 weeks or so. Not too shabby.
Time to mark some papers and prepare for my weekend teaching gig...the fun never ends :)
Sunday, 22 July 2012
It's that time of year again...
This is my 4th Ramadan. Gets better every year. No I do not fast, but I have a lot of emotional issues tied with Ramadan. Seriously, the first year, my bf and I had been dating for about 6 months and he's like, so in about a week I'm not going to be able to see you for 30 days. I was like, what now? He said, ya, Ramadan is coming and I fast from sun up to sun down. I laughed. I'm not going to lie, I totally laughed. I thought he was joking! Then I had to google it and found out that in Islam they fast for a frickin month every year. News to me. What was also news to me is that during daylight hours, there is absolutely no touching between members of the opposite sex. He even wanted to go as far as just not see me for that month. After looking into it I argued back that it says touching...I can go without touching for 12 hours when we're together (once Iftar, or breaking of the fast, happens, you can touch again). So I didn't get banished for 30 days. But he slept in the living room. For fear of cuddling me after sunrise while he was still asleep. Believe me, on a single bed that's difficult!
And the whole no touching thing?? Ya, totally harder than expected. You try it. You try going an entire day without touching the person you're with. See how hard it is. No hand holding, no brushing away a piece of hair, and definitely no kissing or anything of that sort (and DEFINITELY no, ahem, you know). Now when you think about it, usually the only time you abstain from touching is when you're fighting. To me it felt like 30 days of fighting. No affection. No intimacy. It was really difficult. Since that first Ramadan he's mellowed a bit. He'll even hug me during the day. He'll allow me to kiss the top of his head (that's the way that Moroccan parents and children kiss each other). He'll allow me to scratch his back. To just be able to touch him is a big comfort for me. He'll even now briefly touch me during the day. Nothing sexual, just affection. Took 4 years to get to this point, but I'll take it. The emotional issues I alluded to before come with this feeling of isolation and lack of intimacy and affection that comes with Ramadan. But, I've gotten better, and he's gotten better, so it doesn't feel so bad this year.
Except...in one area. Because his parents are here, apparently he is adhering to ALL of the rules of Ramadan. Now, I don't know if this is a rule of Ramadan, cause honestly I think it's a rule of Islam in general, but he's just choosing to follow it more strictly during Ramadan than he obviously does during the rest of the year. This has to do with the behind closed doors intimacy (or, you know, in a public space if you're into that). In previous Ramadans, once Iftar happens, it's fair game. We hold hands, we kiss, etc. etc. (emphasis on the etc., cause apparently I'm a prude, lol). But this year? Yes, kissing and hand holding fine, but he WON'T put out! Apparently I am now celibate for the next, let's see, 28 days? News flash to me. If I had known that, I wouldn't have brushed him off the last night before Ramadan started, lol. I thought it would be like previous years. His parents like to walk around after dinner, so that's really the only time we have to be "together". But I tried last night and he shot me down. It's Ramadan he said. Since when has that stopped us before? To be honest, I'm gonna see how long this lasts. In our first Ramadan he tried this as well. He lasted a week. I didn't initiate anything. I can respect his beliefs, so I'm not going to go after it. He came to me. So we'll see. In the meantime, I think this is gonna be a much longer 30 days than I anticipated!
On the health side of things. Because I can't eat in front of them, I have no choice but to pack my snacks and stuff and take them with me when I go places. Then I can't snack at home. I'm also calling the gym my second home, because that's where I'll be until Iftar every night. Yesterday I was able to be out of the house for 7 hours. Couple of those at the gym, the other few shopping for a baby gift for my best friend. Right now I'm fricking hungry and thinking of how I can smuggle my protein shake into my bedroom, lol. They're napping right now, so I think I should jump on the opportunity! Here's hoping this has the effect I hope it will on my weight loss!
And the whole no touching thing?? Ya, totally harder than expected. You try it. You try going an entire day without touching the person you're with. See how hard it is. No hand holding, no brushing away a piece of hair, and definitely no kissing or anything of that sort (and DEFINITELY no, ahem, you know). Now when you think about it, usually the only time you abstain from touching is when you're fighting. To me it felt like 30 days of fighting. No affection. No intimacy. It was really difficult. Since that first Ramadan he's mellowed a bit. He'll even hug me during the day. He'll allow me to kiss the top of his head (that's the way that Moroccan parents and children kiss each other). He'll allow me to scratch his back. To just be able to touch him is a big comfort for me. He'll even now briefly touch me during the day. Nothing sexual, just affection. Took 4 years to get to this point, but I'll take it. The emotional issues I alluded to before come with this feeling of isolation and lack of intimacy and affection that comes with Ramadan. But, I've gotten better, and he's gotten better, so it doesn't feel so bad this year.
Except...in one area. Because his parents are here, apparently he is adhering to ALL of the rules of Ramadan. Now, I don't know if this is a rule of Ramadan, cause honestly I think it's a rule of Islam in general, but he's just choosing to follow it more strictly during Ramadan than he obviously does during the rest of the year. This has to do with the behind closed doors intimacy (or, you know, in a public space if you're into that). In previous Ramadans, once Iftar happens, it's fair game. We hold hands, we kiss, etc. etc. (emphasis on the etc., cause apparently I'm a prude, lol). But this year? Yes, kissing and hand holding fine, but he WON'T put out! Apparently I am now celibate for the next, let's see, 28 days? News flash to me. If I had known that, I wouldn't have brushed him off the last night before Ramadan started, lol. I thought it would be like previous years. His parents like to walk around after dinner, so that's really the only time we have to be "together". But I tried last night and he shot me down. It's Ramadan he said. Since when has that stopped us before? To be honest, I'm gonna see how long this lasts. In our first Ramadan he tried this as well. He lasted a week. I didn't initiate anything. I can respect his beliefs, so I'm not going to go after it. He came to me. So we'll see. In the meantime, I think this is gonna be a much longer 30 days than I anticipated!
On the health side of things. Because I can't eat in front of them, I have no choice but to pack my snacks and stuff and take them with me when I go places. Then I can't snack at home. I'm also calling the gym my second home, because that's where I'll be until Iftar every night. Yesterday I was able to be out of the house for 7 hours. Couple of those at the gym, the other few shopping for a baby gift for my best friend. Right now I'm fricking hungry and thinking of how I can smuggle my protein shake into my bedroom, lol. They're napping right now, so I think I should jump on the opportunity! Here's hoping this has the effect I hope it will on my weight loss!
Saturday, 2 June 2012
Trying vs. Doing
I've thought about this before, when I was worried my intensity wasn't high enough. Now I think I'm just not doing enough. I think I am coasting. I ran twice this week. I plan on going tomorrow, but that's three times. I am getting back to my 10K training. I ran an easy 2 miles a couple days ago, and I'm going to try for 2.5 tomorrow to get back on my schedule. But there I go again...I'm going to "try"...why not, "I'm going to do 2.5 tomorrow"? My PT sessions start again Monday, so that's good. Gets me back on track with interval/strength training.
I think it's my runs that I need to amp up. I think I need to add in some speed work, sprints etc., because one thing I do notice already is my body getting used to the distances. I know that straight cardio is not the answer to weight loss, and I think I have this huge fear of plateauing due to my decision to try distance running. But then I think "hey, I'm working out 5 days a week, I'm doing enough"...but it's about working smarter right? Or perhaps in this case it is about working harder. At this moment my runs only equal about 30 minutes of cardio. I think I need to add more interval training into that. My PT sessions normally focus on my lower half, but there are lots of things you can do without overworking your muscles. I'm thinking of looking into yoga. With my back issues I think strength and stretching would be really beneficial. I also really want to do a bootcamp but just haven't been able to afford it. If I do PT, running, yoga, and potentially bootcamp is that too much, or just enough? I just keep going back to the fact that after my runs, ya I'm winded, but I'm not destroyed. This will probably change the closer I get to 10K. But for now, it feels easy.
So I'm thinking that I need to double up some days. Run in the morning, PT at night; yoga in the evening, bootcamp/intervals in the morning etc. I am looking for that magical mixture of activity that will help me push past my limits and get where I want to be.
Going back to my title...I always say "try"...I'm going to "try" to go to the gym, I'm going to "try" to do 2.5 miles, I'm going to "try" to clean up my nutrition. It's time to just "do". Commit and focus, sacrifice where needed. I get a lot of inspiration from Alice over at Mommy Blog. She's got kids and still does everything from scratch and works out like crazy. Her post about food and not wanting her kids to eat at McDonald's really got to me. If someone who has a husband, two kids, amazing weight loss goals, and is going back to work soon can still work out like that, and cook everything from scratch, then why the heck can't I? There is no reason. I work 9-5. I have a demanding bf, not gonna lie, lol, but other than work and him and my small condo that I am essentially responsible for my life is not that stressful. It's not like before when I worked 3 jobs and was NEVER home. The only thing stopping me is my own apathy and that's pathetic.
I have the luxury of having a PT, of being able to do yoga and bootcamp (thank you new job), of being able to buy nutritious food, and of having the time to do everything from workout to eat properly. What I'm hampered with is my whining. "Oh it's hard, it takes too much time", "I just want a poutine!" Is a poutine really more important than reaching my goal? In the moment sometimes it is, lol. But overall, no it's not. This journey takes a certain amount of sacrifice. Between that and my illusion that I am working as hard as I can is what stops me every time.
So despite the fact that I have like a 100 special occasions coming up in the next few weeks (co-worker leaving next week, then my departure the week after), I am going to stop "trying" and start "doing". My goal for June is that. To actually push past my level and to stop my whining. And whenever I notice that I am slipping into whining (cause let's be honest, I should have a coping mechanism cause it's gonna happen), I will remind myself why I'm doing this:
1) To be healthy
2) To be the size (not necessarily weight) that I want
3) To bring back my self esteem
4) To prove that I can
I am going to find a yoga centre, or maybe even look in to the bodyflow classes at my gym cause $$ is still kinda tight. I am going to do everything my trainer tells me to do sans bitchy attitude. I am going to commit to eating healthy and continue to find healthy recipes that work for me so that I am satisfied with what I am eating. Because June is about "doing" and I am tired of just "trying".
I think it's my runs that I need to amp up. I think I need to add in some speed work, sprints etc., because one thing I do notice already is my body getting used to the distances. I know that straight cardio is not the answer to weight loss, and I think I have this huge fear of plateauing due to my decision to try distance running. But then I think "hey, I'm working out 5 days a week, I'm doing enough"...but it's about working smarter right? Or perhaps in this case it is about working harder. At this moment my runs only equal about 30 minutes of cardio. I think I need to add more interval training into that. My PT sessions normally focus on my lower half, but there are lots of things you can do without overworking your muscles. I'm thinking of looking into yoga. With my back issues I think strength and stretching would be really beneficial. I also really want to do a bootcamp but just haven't been able to afford it. If I do PT, running, yoga, and potentially bootcamp is that too much, or just enough? I just keep going back to the fact that after my runs, ya I'm winded, but I'm not destroyed. This will probably change the closer I get to 10K. But for now, it feels easy.
So I'm thinking that I need to double up some days. Run in the morning, PT at night; yoga in the evening, bootcamp/intervals in the morning etc. I am looking for that magical mixture of activity that will help me push past my limits and get where I want to be.
Going back to my title...I always say "try"...I'm going to "try" to go to the gym, I'm going to "try" to do 2.5 miles, I'm going to "try" to clean up my nutrition. It's time to just "do". Commit and focus, sacrifice where needed. I get a lot of inspiration from Alice over at Mommy Blog. She's got kids and still does everything from scratch and works out like crazy. Her post about food and not wanting her kids to eat at McDonald's really got to me. If someone who has a husband, two kids, amazing weight loss goals, and is going back to work soon can still work out like that, and cook everything from scratch, then why the heck can't I? There is no reason. I work 9-5. I have a demanding bf, not gonna lie, lol, but other than work and him and my small condo that I am essentially responsible for my life is not that stressful. It's not like before when I worked 3 jobs and was NEVER home. The only thing stopping me is my own apathy and that's pathetic.
I have the luxury of having a PT, of being able to do yoga and bootcamp (thank you new job), of being able to buy nutritious food, and of having the time to do everything from workout to eat properly. What I'm hampered with is my whining. "Oh it's hard, it takes too much time", "I just want a poutine!" Is a poutine really more important than reaching my goal? In the moment sometimes it is, lol. But overall, no it's not. This journey takes a certain amount of sacrifice. Between that and my illusion that I am working as hard as I can is what stops me every time.
So despite the fact that I have like a 100 special occasions coming up in the next few weeks (co-worker leaving next week, then my departure the week after), I am going to stop "trying" and start "doing". My goal for June is that. To actually push past my level and to stop my whining. And whenever I notice that I am slipping into whining (cause let's be honest, I should have a coping mechanism cause it's gonna happen), I will remind myself why I'm doing this:
1) To be healthy
2) To be the size (not necessarily weight) that I want
3) To bring back my self esteem
4) To prove that I can
I am going to find a yoga centre, or maybe even look in to the bodyflow classes at my gym cause $$ is still kinda tight. I am going to do everything my trainer tells me to do sans bitchy attitude. I am going to commit to eating healthy and continue to find healthy recipes that work for me so that I am satisfied with what I am eating. Because June is about "doing" and I am tired of just "trying".
Monday, 12 March 2012
WI 3
Up....0.2. I was angry (this morning when I WI) but then I got over it. I didn't hold onto my serenity, but that's a whole other story to come. It's my TOM. I also had a sodium laden meal yesterday. But to be honest, if I don't see something major next week I am going to lose it. I don't think my sanity or my confidence could handle a gain or a STS. It won't matter how many small changes I notice, or how many lists I make, or how many times I say that the scale is just one part. Yes, it's one part, but I need that part to work with the other parts. I need it to drop. Is that bad? I feel like it's bad to actually admit how much I need the scale to drop. I feel like I'm supposed to say it doesn't matter at all. But for me, it does.
I'm still focusing a lot on my inches lost (haven't taken my 4 week measurements yet, but I can feel it). I'm still focusing on what I feel (generally lighter and more in control), and I'm still focusing on the feeling of getting stronger.
But in addition to all of that, I need that number to drop. Oh sure, I'm in the middle of an emotional battle and a commercial for Red Lobster's Lobster Fest comes on tv...sigh. lol...c'est la vie, non?
Anyway, as I said, I was good this morning. I was good this afternoon, I headed to the gym with a veritable spring in my step. Time to rock out my second run at 5.0. (did my first yesterday). Hopped on that treadmill, did my warm up, and then started my jog.
Eff it was awful. Absolutely bloody awful. I couldn't make it 10 minutes without stopping. I took a 1 minute break and got back on. Made it maybe another 5 or 6 minutes and took another break. My legs were tired, I was breathing pretty heavily (after 14 yrs of competitive history, breathing is never an issue for me, I can breathe like a champ), but today it was hard. I got back on and made if for the 7-8 minutes I had left, then I stretched, and left the gym in a funk. I was angry. I was sad. Actually, more sad than anything.
I know bad runs happen. They happen all the time, especially for someone building up their endurance. Running isn't second nature to me yet, so some days are gonna be rough. I think also with running at 5.0 the day before, and resistance on Saturday, my body was just tired. It's only been 3 weeks ish (this week is my 4th week back on track), and it will take time for my body to get used to the level of activity I am demanding from it. But it just brought to the surface the frustration at my WI, and the fact that I let myself get to this stage when it could have been prevented. I just felt like everything is so hard this time around. Nothing is easy. So I basically had a pity party in my head on my way home. Got myself into a good funk on the streetcar. Texting the bf was no help. His response? Don't ruin my kebob (I had planned a special dinner for tonight). Gee, thanks babe.
I ended up calling my mom and breaking down on her. It was good to get it out, but I'm still sad. I see my counsellor tomorrow, which is a very very good thing. Two weeks is much too long to go by without seeing someone. There've been a lot of emotional food choices in the past two weeks (most victories, but some oopses as well).
The only positive thing that came from this? I didn't binge. I didn't walk into Sobey's and buy junk. I came home and had an apple with natural PB (which was already tracked as one of my snacks for today). Then I had an orange. The orange was emotional eating. It wasn't planned for. So on one head, emotional eating is emotional eating, but on the other hand, it was a frickin orange. I'll take that over a bag of kettle chips any day.
Tomorrow is a new day (ever feel like Scarlett O'Hara when you say that??) and I will have my early morning session with my trainer and I will feel good about myself and what I'm doing. Because positive thinking is in my control, even when a lot of things are not.
I'm still focusing a lot on my inches lost (haven't taken my 4 week measurements yet, but I can feel it). I'm still focusing on what I feel (generally lighter and more in control), and I'm still focusing on the feeling of getting stronger.
But in addition to all of that, I need that number to drop. Oh sure, I'm in the middle of an emotional battle and a commercial for Red Lobster's Lobster Fest comes on tv...sigh. lol...c'est la vie, non?
Anyway, as I said, I was good this morning. I was good this afternoon, I headed to the gym with a veritable spring in my step. Time to rock out my second run at 5.0. (did my first yesterday). Hopped on that treadmill, did my warm up, and then started my jog.
Eff it was awful. Absolutely bloody awful. I couldn't make it 10 minutes without stopping. I took a 1 minute break and got back on. Made it maybe another 5 or 6 minutes and took another break. My legs were tired, I was breathing pretty heavily (after 14 yrs of competitive history, breathing is never an issue for me, I can breathe like a champ), but today it was hard. I got back on and made if for the 7-8 minutes I had left, then I stretched, and left the gym in a funk. I was angry. I was sad. Actually, more sad than anything.
I know bad runs happen. They happen all the time, especially for someone building up their endurance. Running isn't second nature to me yet, so some days are gonna be rough. I think also with running at 5.0 the day before, and resistance on Saturday, my body was just tired. It's only been 3 weeks ish (this week is my 4th week back on track), and it will take time for my body to get used to the level of activity I am demanding from it. But it just brought to the surface the frustration at my WI, and the fact that I let myself get to this stage when it could have been prevented. I just felt like everything is so hard this time around. Nothing is easy. So I basically had a pity party in my head on my way home. Got myself into a good funk on the streetcar. Texting the bf was no help. His response? Don't ruin my kebob (I had planned a special dinner for tonight). Gee, thanks babe.
I ended up calling my mom and breaking down on her. It was good to get it out, but I'm still sad. I see my counsellor tomorrow, which is a very very good thing. Two weeks is much too long to go by without seeing someone. There've been a lot of emotional food choices in the past two weeks (most victories, but some oopses as well).
The only positive thing that came from this? I didn't binge. I didn't walk into Sobey's and buy junk. I came home and had an apple with natural PB (which was already tracked as one of my snacks for today). Then I had an orange. The orange was emotional eating. It wasn't planned for. So on one head, emotional eating is emotional eating, but on the other hand, it was a frickin orange. I'll take that over a bag of kettle chips any day.
Tomorrow is a new day (ever feel like Scarlett O'Hara when you say that??) and I will have my early morning session with my trainer and I will feel good about myself and what I'm doing. Because positive thinking is in my control, even when a lot of things are not.
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