Day 1 of doing vs. trying

Did 2 miles today. Wasn't easy. lol. Oh well. I increased my speed in the last half mile. But that wasn't for any altruistic motive such as increasing my intensity. No, I just hoped that by upping my speed I'd finish faster, lol. Tomorrow is another day with my trainer. Tomorrow morning I will get up and do 2.5 miles. Good plan of doing :)

On the other side of things....Magnum ice cream bars? Totally not worth it. I wanted ice cream today. A small treat so I planned it in. I was going to get one of those small tubs of Haagen Dazs, but then I saw the Magnum bars at No Frills and ever since I saw the commercials I've wanted to try one. So I did after lunch. And the result is that they are totally not worth the ice cream splurge. I would take Haagen Dazs any day. Little bit disappointed really. In other food splurges, the home made ravioli and sauce I got from the farmer's market yesterday was amazing!

After my post yesterday I started looking into yoga. So apparently ashtanga is the power yoga. The place where I am looking doesn't offer a level 1 yet...so I am going to start with hatha or vinaysa first to ease into it...then figure out how to do the power one. Overall I just want to stretch and meditate and be at peace. I need help with my anger issues and with calming down. Might as well try yoga :) Also...if I am starting yoga, there's no way I can afford boot camp, but I am going to try spinning. That's offered at Goodlife...so I'm gonna find a location that offers it and give it a go. Time to add some spice to my workouts!

Time to do the Sunday clean, laundry, plan my meals, put away the groceries, and get everything ready for tomorrow. Only 2 more weeks of my current job!!! Excitement personified!

Back!

From Vegas that is! It was great. Lots of fun. Not as much food as I was expecting (which was good!) but not the healthiest options. We did a lot of great stuff...highlight was the helicopter tour to the Grand Canyon. Amazing. We also did the Hoover Dam, saw some shows, and did a lot of walking. It was HOT. omg. But not southern Ontario hot with all of it's stupid humidity. It was a nice dry heat. Great trip.

When I got back my back was still hurting. So I took it easy. Today it was feeling better so I went for a 1.5 mile run. God I hate coming back to running after being away from it. How does 1 week make so much difference?? I struggled to get to that 1.5 miles. Sigh. Oh well. Wednesday we go again. Hopefully a morning run if the heat is ok. I don't do humid muggy running. But mornings through June should still be ok. It's just July and August that are concerning. My plan for tomorrow is to take a circuit from my Jillian Michael's Hot Bod in a Box and do a strength interval workout. It's killer. I recommend it to anyone. Wednesday running again, Thursday strength intervals, Friday running, then Saturday or Sunday surprise :)

Can't rest on those proverbial laurels. As I was heading out of work today I moaned to my co-worker, "I don't want to go to the gym!" She was like "don't! Walk with me to Union instead!" But I replied "no, if not today, then when?" It's so important for me to buck my usual trend and actually get back on track on the first available day. Today was the day. If I didn't go today, I know that I would have made an excuse for tomorrow, then Wednesday, Thursday, etc. Nevermind sliding down that slope, I'd be barreling down headfirst straight into a poutine.

My main concern is to get my 10K training back on track. I've got a race to run in a month and a half. I want to be prepared. I also really want to lose my ass. Running builds strong legs right? Somebody please tell me that running helps shape up the lower half?? Sigh. That's my only rant today :)

From other aspects of life, I'm waiting for my offer package from GB. Not offer letter, but offer PACKAGE. It's being UPS'd...it's too big to send in the regular mail. Seriously?? What's in that thing?? My acceptance to university seems to be less complicated. I am anxiously anxiously waiting for that package. Then maybe it'll feel real.

Time to relax a bit, then bed :)

Big News

Two pieces of news today. Number 1, I beat my alarm clock (or my alarm clock beat me? not sure)...anyway, I was up at 6:30 and out the door at 7:00 for my second outdoor run. It was cold. Thankful for my long sleeves that's for sure. Finished 3.6 km in 26 mins, so a 7:03 p/km pace. That's pretty good IMO. Told my bf, and he's like, ya, my pace is 4 minutes. Great, thanks. Eff off, lol. Yes, he can do 5K in about 20 mins the bastard. But oh well. I think it's in his blood to run, hehe. Felt my shin the entire time. Not outright pain. More like a pressure. Could definitely tell it wasn't right. Other than that, I only stopped at stop lights, and even ran the big hill leading back to my condo. If I can get the damn shin splints gone, this won't be half bad :) I ended up going to the clinic today to see if I could get a referral to a sports med (after 45 mins of waiting, turns out you can self-refer yourself to a sports clinic, go figure). The dr is sending me for x-rays and an ultrasound anyway, just in case. Not that I think I have an actual injury, but she wants to rule it out. Then we'll go from there.

In other news.....I got a call today from George Brown College and was formally offered the position I interviewed for last week. Major excitement! I was jumping up and down outside of my work, lol. I was also shaking...like shivering. Badly. I shake when I get nervous, or shiver rather. Even more so cause it was kinda chilly. Then as I was in the middle of the call, I see my regional director come out for his smoke break. Dear lord...freaked me out. I have to give notice and I'm really really not looking forward to it. I'm such a bloody people pleaser that I hate the thought of letting someone down. Hate it. Knowing that we're mere weeks away from our busy season has the guilt on high that I am leaving my school in the lurch. But aside from that I was so excited :) Nice sizeable jump in my salary (aka, actually getting paid what I'm worth professionally based on my experience and education), and to be at a college is amazing. One of Canada's top 100 employers. I don't know if I'll be able to handle working for an organisation who actually gives its employees the tools they need to be successful. Might take some getting used to :P

I'm excited for the new opportunity and for the chance to take my career even further. It'd be great to have two of Toronto's top colleges on my resume. I want to keep my teaching position at Humber because I think eventually that's where I want to be (teaching, not necessarily Humber). It's going to be amazing to have this level of experience on my resume for the future.

Big day for me :) Except I think the shivering/shaking during the phone call/cold did something to my back. Ever since then it's frickin hurt. My back issues have been chronicled here before. It comes and goes. But I'm starting to get really worried. If something as simple as shivering could send me into spasms, perhaps something really is wrong?? Back to the dr I think. But this time a sports med, cause that's where this stems from. Can't be right that I have chronic low back pain, and so much more now than I've ever had before. I can only think that it's because I'm exercising so much more. But the last time I was in an exercise regiment the pain went away when I lost weight. Something I have to look into.

Have a great Thursday!

10K Training

I started last week, but this week I took it outdoors. Yesterday morning I hit the pavement at 7:15 am and did about 3.5 km (turned out to actually be 4.0 km cause a road my map told me was a road turned out not to be a road and I had to go further than anticipated). My census? Outdoor running is hard! lol. Felt like I was pushing against something the entire time. I have also determined that traffic lights are my best friends! Can't run across 4 lanes of traffic! lol. But I'm very happy that I did it, and that it wasn't as scary as I thought. I was also keeping a pace of about 7:00 - 7:30 mins per km. If it wasn't for the walking at one point (after I had reached my distance goal) and one really long traffic light I would have kept it at that, by my mapmyran app told me I finished with an 8:00 min km.

There is one concerning factor of having a pace of 7:00-ish mins per km....it means times that by 10, and you have my time for the 10K. That seems like a really really long time to be running. I have no interest in marathons or half marathons. 10-15 km is probably the most I'll do. So right now I'm kinda worried about running for 60+ minutes. Since I'm just going for distance right now, I don't know how reasonable it is to expect my pace to pick up. Not sure how to do that. Is that what tempo runs do? I'll figure it out.

My leg hurts pretty bad. I have some pretty bad pain. Not while I'm running. But definitely after. I got some volturen gel, which is pretty much like ibuprofen for external use. I like that idea better than popping pills. I tried it today and it actually works. I'm also looking into how to strengthen my calves so that I can build up the muscle and it won't hurt so much.

Now my mind is torn about an outdoor run tomorrow morning, or an evening run indoors. It was really nice to be outside. It was beautiful yesterday. I'm thinking of 2 runs outdoors and 1 indoors per week. I also felt a really big sense of accomplishment in a) being out at 7 am, and b) actually finishing (including a hill I stupidly put in at the end!)

Let's see what my alarm clock tells me tomorrow :)

WI

Down 0.8. I was kind of expecting more. Apparently I don't learn from my mistakes, cause I peeked on Wednesday and I was down to 151. I know that it's dangerous. Because I was expecting at least that today. But no...then I was disappointed. But, that's the second loss in a row, so I seem to be back on track.

Did my second run for the week. 1.5 miles (2.4 km) in 17 minutes. Felt pretty good. The last 0.5 mile I had some issues with focus. There was this girl in front of my on a stationary bike, and her head was directly in my line of vision. My usual focal point at the gym is beyond her head and I couldn't see it, lol. I focused on the tv, but that involves lifting your head a little bit. I prefer to stare straight ahead. But all in all it was good. Did it straight without stopping.

My eating today was atrocious and I'm not even gonna feel guilty about it. As long as I am back on track tomorrow, one day won't kill me. I had a turkey bacon with egg on a bagel with chocolate milk, two oatmeal cookies (one chocolate chip, one raisin), lays classic potato chips, rice cakes with peanut butter, and as soon as the bf stops playing PS3, we're going to Jack Astor's :) I've been looking forward to this dinner all week, so I'm excited.

Tomorrow I think I'm going to go to the farmer's market, load up on fresh good things and plan out my week. Less eating out is needed.

My final run this week is on Sunday. 2 miles (3.2 km). It's my last run indoors before moving outside. My shoes seem to be fine. I still have shin splints tho :( They came back with a vengeance today. There's a spot about mid-way up my calf to the side of my shin bone that hurts to the touch. I don't really know what to do about it since I don't want to stop training. Does icing it really work? What about those topical creams or rubs? When it was like this before it hurt to walk the next day, so that's not good. I don't want to severely injure myself, but I'm not really sure what to do about it.

I'm also excited for the weekend. This is my first all to myself weekend. Nothing planned. And it's supposed to be beautiful! I think we're going to do the farmer's market, then a picnic on the Toronto Islands. Sunday, who knows, but I'm definitely going to relax and enjoy it :)

In an interview update. I got an email yesterday confirming that I was still in the selection process, but that I was free to contact the manager directly if I should wish to discuss the position further. I was a little bit confused. So I called her and left a message. Then today she called me back and it was really just to go over the position in more detail, but the final decision hasn't been made yet. However, she did tell me that the hiring committee was very impressed with my background and experience, especially considering that I haven't been in my career field for very long (going on 4 yrs). She said they were impressed with my accomplishments in such a short period of time. So I'm hoping that means they're leaning toward me. I have to wait for the reference check to go through and then I guess I'll hear next week. I'd hate to quit my current job right now because it's right before our busy season and I really don't like leaving people in the lurch like that. However, if they treated me right and paid me what I am worth, I wouldn't be going on interviews in the first place.

Time for dinner...have a great weekend!!

1.5 miles down!

First day of 10K training done! It was ok. Slightly less than I had been doing. I'm doing it again tomorrow. I don't think you're supposed to run back to back (not 100% sure), but my "long" run (in this week, 2 miles) is on Sunday, and I want to use Saturday as my rest day.

I'm still on the treadmill. Today was my first running day with my new shoes. They felt pretty good. I'm gonna finish my week out on the treadmill and then head outside if all feels good. Nutrition wise I've been good. No major slips. I had pizza on Tuesday, but I was within my calories and it was only 2 small slices of the chicken lovers from Pizza Hut. I'm not going to lie, I'm expecting a good loss tomorrow. I've been chugging my water, watching my sodium and sugar and hope that the number goes down.

In other news, I had a job interview this week for a top college in Toronto. I really want the position. I'd be perfect for it, and it's more money than I am currently making. I made it to the second round and I'm feeling cautiously optimistic. If I did get it, I could continue my personal training and get a handle on my debt. So it's been a very stressful week. I don't know when I'm going to hear back, but I really hope it's soon! I have to give 4 weeks notice (it's in my contract), so I'd really like to give it sooner than later (really hope I'm not jinxing this!!!) Cross your fingers for me!

Gotta make dinner. This was a double workout day for me so I'm getting pretty hungry. Have a great Thursday!

Gettin' ma groove back

There's nothing like a competition like situation to get you rearing to go. I used to love competing. I was good at it. So it's kinda cool to have a piece of that back now. Tomorrow I start my 10K training. Tomorrow I also have a trainer appt...which means it's a double workout day. But I really wanted to start the 10K training this week. So I have a 1.5 mile run tomorrow which I will do inside cause I'm still test driving my new runners. My plan is to set up a different program for the warm up and run because I have a problem with including my warm up in the workout because then the pacing is skewed (it looks like I've run farther than I have). Bit tedious but whatever.

My plan is 3 days of running with 2 cross training (strength essentially). It's basically what I have been doing, but on a slightly more intense level. That and a more structured nutrition plan (including protein shakes and more green leafy things!)

Glad to have shed my funk and ready to get going!

Race Breakdown

So I made it through the 5K. Proud of myself. I did have to stop. A lot. Much much more than I anticipated/wanted. I had this idea that I could do it without stopping. I probably could have if I had ran more consistently in the past 3 weeks or so. But with developing shin splints about a month ago because my shoes were worn out I had to resort to other forms of cardio because it was just too damn painful. I got new shoes, but they too hurt my feet. So I didn't get as much running in as I would have liked. A month ago I did 5K (on the treadmill but still) without stopping. So I knew I could do it. It just didn't happen this time. That's ok. I'm gonna do the Scotiabank Waterfront Marathon 5K in October and I'm going to do it without stopping.

My time was 35:58 (bib time, which I count as my official time). I was 152/364 in my category, and 555/1300-ish in my gender. So I was above the 50% mark which I was pretty stoked about. I sprinted to the end, lol. It was a beautiful day to run along Toronto's waterfront. My two friends I ran with both beat me but I don't frickin care, lol.

So that's the good stuff. The bad stuff...the race (with 3000 5K participants, who knows how many half and full marathoners) was baaaaaaadly organised. All the 5K ppl were wandering around asking where the start was. The directions on the web site were abysmal. We had no idea where we were going, there was no signage at all. But we finally made it to the start. Second, they didn't use the corral system the way that the Scotiabank Waterfront 5K does (you line up according to your pace). Now, the Scotiabank one has 6000 5K runners, but still, 3000 is a pretty decent number of people to have them jammed in willy nilly. Let the fast people stand at the front, I don't care. I don't want to be the one who hinders a speedy gonzales just because I happened to line up before him/her. Third, there were no race markers. The only race markers were at 3 and 4K. I am goal oriented. I NEED to know how far I've come and how far there is left to go. I know it's only 5K, but please have markers for each km. I don't know if this is just me. But personally I need it for pacing. I don't want to go all out if I have 4 bloody km to go. I also want to know if I can afford to walk at this moment or if I should push through it. That was friggin annoying. But the piece de resistance? THERE WAS NO WATER on the course!!! NONE! You know what there was? A water table set up at about 3.5 km with people with HOSES and those plastic milk jugs (the ones that usually hold the milk bags)...uh, what am I supposed to do with that? Again, I realise that this is not a huge distance, but there were kids and older people doing that run. It was also pretty warm, full beating sun since we started at 12:00 pm. To not have water is beyond comprehensible. It appears that they ran out of cups or something. Inexcusable in my opinion. I just kept going. I didn't want a frickin hose, I just wanted a cup of water. When I finally saw the finish line I gunned it...felt like my legs were gonna fly right off, lol. Got my medal and picture, and tried to find water. Was it in the tent with the bagels and fruit? Nope. Was it in the tent with the chocolate milk? Nope. It was set way off in the corner with about a million people between me and the water table. Not cool. Apparently some people were really pissed off. I was too, to be honest (ahem, in case you couldn't tell).

So running wise it was good for me (besides the too much walking)...but the organisation sucked. I kind of expect more when I pay $50 for a race. My next task is a 10K train run in July. I'm starting the training on Tuesday. Inside cause I'm still trying out shoes and if I wear them outside I can't take them back. My biggest challenge is that I am going to Vegas on the May long weekend. I'm not worried about when I am there...I am worried for when I get back. It's always so hard to get back at it following a vacation.

Time for bed...it's been a loooong day :) Time for some rest.

Internal Motivation

What's yours? I'm on a mission to find mine. At least mine that lasts longer than 3 months. Have you ever watched the tv show X-Weighted? On it there is a weight loss goal as well as a fitness goal. I think the fitness goal is almost as important as the weight loss goal since we all know that focusing just on the numbers can get pretty damn frustrating. So I have chosen a fitness goal. My friend, who I usually run my races with (and by "usually" I mean the grand total of TWO that I have ever done (or will have done by tomorrow afternoon, lol) asked me if I wanted to do a 10K in August along the Grand River. Having barely done 5K before, I was skeptical. I "struggle" with 5K. And I put struggle in " " cause I think it's mainly mental. A big ol' game of "omg, I've never done this before so I can't consistently do it now" But why the hell can't I do 10K? I'm gonna make myself into a runner if it kills me. This is the one thing that I have never truly given up on. I always come back to it. Even when I am "off" so to speak, I always start again by coming back to running. Can't say that about other forms of cardio. I also love resistance training, but that's beside the point right now.

So I googled (love google) 10K training programs. Armed with an 8 week program and mapmyrun.com (cause I so can't afford a Garmin or similar right now) I am going to start training for 10K this week. This is my fitness goal. I haven't concretely found the website for the run, but I *think* it's this one: http://guelphvictors.ca/display.php?page=Fergus cause my friend mentioned lunch and swimming at her parents' house afterwards (I think she was trying to bribe me, lol), and I think they live in Cambridge. So Fergus would be close. On a bonus, if this is the one, I can go to the Scottish highland games! lol. (dad's side of the family came over from Scotland in the 1800s...it's in my blood).

The training program starts with 1.5 miles (2.4 ish km) which I can already do. I've been doing about 2ish miles already, steady state, so 1.5 shouldn't be a problem. The other big news? I'm gonna do it outside. I am going to do all of my training (minus the brutally hot days and potentially rainy days, ew) outside. I have a course all mapped out for Tuesday and I'm excited.

I want something tangible I can focus on. Not the fluctuation frustration of the scale. Maybe this can be the internal motivation that I need? I want to focus on my fitness. Building my muscle, increasing my cardio endurance. I'm not going to stop weighing in, but I will have more of a focus on the other things. I need to find what works for me otherwise I'm never going to make it.

What do you do when...

Your workout kinda sucks and then you get home late and you make a dinner you've had before (and liked it), to only hate it this time? That's where I was at 9pm this evening. I had a rough run...no big deal. I didn't get angry, I kinda just laughed it off. Is it possible for the treadmill at my regular gym to be different from the one in my condo? And no, not mph versus km/h. This time I couldn't make it 10 mins without stopping. It was weird. I don't know why. It was the first run in my new shoes. That with the later workout and being leg tired from my workout the day before could have contributed. It's weird...it's not like my body isn't used to working out back to back, 5-ish days per week. Don't know why I'd get tired now all of a sudden.

So I leave the gym and go home. Bf's out with friends until an indeterminate time (that's a whole other point of discussion that I'm not gonna open up here), and I cooked something I liked that I had on the meal plan for today. Couldn't even get through a quarter of it. Blech. I hate it when that happens because then I feel so unsatisfied and I automatically head for the junk. So I portioned out some tortilla chips and skim mozza cheese and had me some nachos. Tracked it all. If I hadn't had that damn lindt chocolate I woulda managed nachos within my daily plan! lol. Oh well. Still OP for me :)

It's a change from what I would have done. There would have been no tracking, no portioning out, no control whatsoever. I wasn't satisfied from dinner, but that doesn't give me license to pig out. That makes me happy.

Time to sleep so my trainer can kill me tmr :)

Anger Issues

This is likely not news to my close friends and family, lol. But I do. I have anger issues. Today was my last session with my counsellor and I mentioned that the bf and I have been fighting a lot lately. And that I've had a lot of anger in the last several weeks about my weight loss. I don't have an outlet for my anger. So when small things happen (aka, a stupid comment from the bf, or a bad experience at the running room), I explode. I actually, in a sick twisted way, look forward to fighting with my bf cause I can yell and swear and get everything out. But that's not healthy. So it was my last free session with my counsellor. I only got 6 sessions cause it's through Warren Shapell through my bf's benefit package. But I think I want to continue seeing her. So because I started with her for weight loss issues, I'm gonna call back and request her for my anger issues.

We had our differences, but today I went over that with her. How I was feeling so much pressure from all sides (trainer, nutritionist, and counsellor) that I felt like a puppy who was being hit on her nose with a newspaper but had no reason why. So I think since I aired my grievances that we should be able to move forward positively.

What I also want to do is take this girls only kickboxing, MMA boot camp. I think I need to hit something, lol. I need to get this anger out. Regular exercise doesn't do that. But whenever I've done boxing etc., it's gotten some of the frustration out.

In running news, I went to a different Running Room location since the one I went to downtown Toronto sucked. Horrible experience. This one tried out 3 different pairs of shoes and told me the ones I was forced into at the other location are really too extreme for me. I bought a pair of Saucony and I have 30 days to try them out indoors to see if I like them. Going to go for a run tomorrow. I'm not expecting my shin splints to go away over night, but hopefully with proper shoes it will eventually go away.

Gotta keep the positivity coming :)

Need to intensify?

This is something I've been thinking about lately. Do I need to intensify my workouts? I can definitely eat cleaner, which I am trying to do (as a tip, if you're trying to eat clean, don't be persuaded to go to a Pakistani restaurant in Little India...and then, definitely don't eat chicken biryani, butter chicken, lamb kahari gosht, lamb chop, and naan......just sayin'...it was definitely coming back to say hello in the form of indigestion later that night).

My workouts are like this: 2 days a week I'm with my trainer. This is strength mixed with high intensity cardio bursts (think mountain climbers, burpees, skipping, etc.). Then I have 2-3 days of cardio. 30 mins each, with 1 steady state run, 1 sprint run, and 1 something else (elliptical or something). But to me, it really doesn't feel intense enough. I don't think I'm burning enough calories in my workouts, and then being confused when I don't see big changes in the 9 weeks since I've been back on track. Maybe I was expecting miracles? Probably. It's very common for me to have high expectations, of myself and those around me.

So I'm thinking of adding some butt cardio into my general scheme of things. A long time ago I downloaded Brazilian butt lift. I think I am going to add it to my trainer days (keeping my other cardio for the other days).

On the other hand...when is it too much? I read a very scary story of a woman whose body entered into starvation mode because she was exercising too much and not taking in enough calories. Now, I eat when I'm hungry (unless it's right before bed and I've eaten everything I planned...I will sometimes go to bed a lil bit hungry)...if I am hungry, I will not say, no I cannot eat, because I cannot spend the calories. That's not me. If I'm hungry, I eat. However, I am trying very very hard to make better choices when I am unexpectedly hungry. Fruit and veg etc. Having extra protein. So is this starvation mode thing a real thing? On average I eat about 1200-1400 calories per day. I'm 5 feet tall and 153 lbs. Is that enough for my body to survive (aka, get what it needs) and still lose weight? I'm trying to resist googling "starvation mode" cause really, I don't want to get conflicting information and if there's one way to get conflicting information it's to depend on the internet.

I guess the important thing to focus on is to be getting my daily nutrients in. Good oils, dairy, protein, fruit and veg in portion controlled amounts. And to up my protein when and if I do double workout days. It's still a concern for me though. I'm just so sick of how disproportionate I am from top to bottom. I have so much excess in my lower half that I look a mite ridiculous (IMO). Running and the elliptical are good, but I am really worried that I am not working hard enough. I'll have to ask my trainer about that.

Anyway...having an OP Sunday which is welcomed after my decidely OffP day I had yesterday (only dinner, but still). Have worked out (eff, I have shin splints btw! I need new shoes! But I had such a rotten experience last Friday at the Running Room that I didn't end up buying any!! Now I'm in pain cause I ran this morning, and I have my 5K race coming up :( I am going to have to find a sports doc in Toronto cause the GP I went to was useless).

Time to make dinner :)

Happy Tuesday

Today is good (despite that bitty slice of red velvet cake I had...seriously, I need that cake out of my house!!) I feel happy and in control. Met the bf for lunch today. His lunch was leftover chinese food. My lunch? A tuna sandwich on dark rye bread with veggies and some light dip. Today was also a pretty special day for me cause I got my 2nd rose of this journey :) The deal I have with my bf is one rose for every 5lbs. So now I have 2! And I'm 4 lbs away from my next one.

I am trying to carry on the positive attitude thing. It was nice seeing the ticker on my blog go down. I want those 4lbs to go away so I can be out of the 20s! Getting closer to like 10-15 lbs from goal makes it a lot more real to me. I was 13lbs away the last time I went off track and gained it all back. I had a good workout with my trainer. Apparently drill sergeant has come out to play. Who likes bulgarian lunges and burpees? Not me, let me tell you! Especially after double pulse walking lunges!! Seriously, if you don't know what bulgarian lunges are, google and try them. Good luck. The hurt like a mofo! (seriously, mofo doesn't get a red squiggly line showing an incorrect word? Wow...go pop culture).

My dinner tonight is a chicken and shrimp stir fry with veggies and quinoa. No rice for me!

On a different note, I strained my right inner ankle and I may have a mild case of shin splints. I got fitted for shoes at the Running Room and will pick them up on Friday (3 cheers for pay day! lol). I'm really hoping that new shoes take away the running pain. I have my 5K coming up and I want to be able to train for it (and actually run it) without pain. We shall see. Right now it hurts to walk. I'm doing non-impact cardio this week to give it a rest. Lil bit annoying though.

Time to make dinner, fold some laundry, mark essays and then hopefully relax a bit!

Attitude Adjustment

I think it's time for an attitude adjustment. I've been in a funk for the past cpl weeks...just mad at the world (ok, and an out and out bitch at times). Well enough of the damn pity party. A positive attitude brings positive results. I did a run today that I didn't want to do...it would have been so easy to stay at home since I am preparing for my bf's citizenship party tomorrow (totally not OP but I've planned for it :) ), but I read an article about making time for exercise. If I can sit on the couch and read an article (lol), then I can hit the gym. So I laced up and headed downstairs. Then I decided to up my game and increase my speed and did 20 straight minutes at 5.5. I'm still being held at 30 minutes total cardio per time I do it, so I'm not too worried about distance right now.

I want to hit my goal of 5 workouts this week. Tonight's was number 4. Tomorrow before I prep for the party I have another at home workout from my trainer, that'll put me at 5 and back on track.

I want to be more positive. Therefore, I am going to be more positive :) I'm going to put one foot in front of the other, one meal at a time, one workout at a time, one day at a time...(how many cliches can I think up here?? lol). I felt really good after my run. Then, when I was stretching, I was able to touch the floor behind my head with my feet! I'm weirdly flexible, like seriously. Splits, touch the floor, everything. So when I'm all limber I can usually get my feet back and touch the ground behind me :) Not like cirque du soleil flexible but more than the average person I think. This also means that I'm more prone to injury since I can over-extend really easily (hence my back very likely). But anyway, every time I stretch I try to go farther. This time it was quite easy to get my legs back there, lol.

Then I came home and instead of the grilled cheese sandwich I wanted, I had eggs and half a grapefruit. One thing I really struggle with is that a certain amount of sacrifice is needed in order to get to my goal. Even when I was following WW there was sacrifice involved (compared to how I usually ate). Yes, I will have to say no to things more than I say yes...but for now, that's ok. I can re-instate some things when I am maintaining (within moderation of course), but there are some things that I won't be able to have around me anymore (hello kettle chips, I'm talking to you!) I can't buy those things. But if I can finally nail this moderation thing, I feel a little more confident about keeping things going. Like right now I'm gonna have the other half of my grapefruit cause I'm still a little hungry rather than the ginger cookies hiding in my cupboard :)

Have a great weekend!

5K!

I did a 5K run today without stopping! I've never done that before. There's a 5K function on the treadmill in my condo. I did walk for 5 minutes to warm up (didn't know there wasn't a warm-up attached to the 5K program)...then I jogged at 5.0 for 33 minutes (in total, 38 minutes, but I'm subtracting 5 mins for the warm-up). The last mile was rough, but the first 2.10 miles (aka 4ish kms I think) were good. I was singing along to AC/DC's Thunderstruck having a good time, lol.

So that's 4 days this week that I've worked out. Keeping in mind my horrendous eating this week, I need all the work outs I can get! I went crazy on Indian food last night. o...m...g...it was sooooo good. I was dipping my naan in the butter chicken dish, lol. My bf kinda just sat and stared at me. I ignored him, lol. I haven't had Indian food in almost two months. Considering I used to hit the buffet every few weeks, my cutting down to one dinner in two months is pretty good. But I did go a little overboard. This is after a HUGE breakfast at Cora's. Never again. I felt so incredibly gross afterwards. I'm getting kinda turned off their breakfasts. They're huge and they don't do good things to me afterwards. Good lesson :)

I am weighing in tomorrow cause I have Easter dinner tomorrow, so that's one more slightly large meal. I'm making it myself, but I'm not gonna lie, I never tone it down for the holidays. I have always (even when hard core on WW) done what I want to do on holidays. Thanksgiving, Christmas, and Easter are my top ones. I grew up with huge family dinners and celebrations. To not do anything, or to do something half assed doesn't interest me. To me it's not properly living if I calorie count my holidays. If they only happen 3 times per year, I'm fine with that. Anyway, I'm not expecting a loss. Kinda expecting a gain with the food week I've had. But that's ok. I am using this week to re-evaluate what I'm doing and why I want to do it. Those motivation rocks I tracked down have started to lose importance. Even the roses from my bf when I lose 5lbs is kinda losing credence. So I need to bring those rewards back to the forefront and focus on them like I used to before I hurt my back.

This means removing the things that have been placed in front of my "pounds" jar...make it more prominent. And perhaps move the roses I've already gotten down off my bookshelf and onto something lower (I'm 5 feet tall, gotta bring it down to eye level! lol).

On a completely (like 360 degree) other topic...I'm getting a puppy! I've been wanting one for about 3 yrs, but have never been in the right situation to get one. I want a smooth miniature dachshund. Something that can handle living in a condo. I'm so excited!! I'm contacting breeders and think I have one in mind. She's super picky about who she sells to, and I like that she puts that much care into finding a home for her pups. I'm going to meet her in June at "Wienerfest" lol. Seriously, it's an all dachshund festival. Her pups are about $1100.00, so I've started saving already. By fall I'll have enough, with some leftover for supplies. I'm also reading up on the newest training techniques (my last dog was a golden retriever, and we were taught to train her with a choke chain...very happy those techniques are no longer popular). Not sure if my bf is totally on board, but seeing how I am going to be the one paying for her, taking care of her, etc., I don't really care what he thinks (you know, just how he gave me so much thought when he invited his parents to Canada...not that this is revenge, but still, the principle stands). So yay!! :)

Off to sleep. What is it nowadays, 11pm and I'm dead? Is that like an age thing? Cause it sucks. I used to be a night owl. Adulthood sucks, lol.

Thank you

I'm calmer now and no longer feel like screaming or crying (mighta done a lil bit of both yesterday, but anyway). Anyway, I wanted to say thank you to the people who reached out to me about this (either in the comments here, or on the WW boards where so many lovely people support each other every single day).

I don't honestly know what's going to happen. With this situation or with our relationship. But I'm hoping we can calmly discuss things. I tried a little today and he was semi-receptive.

On another note, in a trial because of some negative posts I've made lately about my running...I am about to head downstairs to get my run on and I am determined to stay positive no matter what happens. If I have to stop for one minute, that is not a failure. If I have to drop my speed 1 or 2 points, that is not a failure. I am going to feel good about my run and how I'm feeling and the changes I am making.

Here's to positivity!! Stay tuned to see if I can follow through ;) I'll post an update when I'm done :) (sigh, still looking for emoticon help...not even sure it exists!)