Gym Time

I re-joined Goodlife today. Not going to keep lying to myself about using the gym in my building. It doesn't seem to matter when I go...6:45 in the morning or 6:45 at night...it's always frickin busy! Totally a motivation killer!

So there's a women's only Goodlife like a block (or even half a block maybe) from my work. Walked in, signed up (corporate rate, thank you nice salesgirl), and 6 personal training sessions. I haven't had PT since the first time I signed up for a gym when I had no clue what I was doing. In the last couple years of my gym-ness, I've put together my own routines that are pretty challenging (ok, I had help from Jillian Michaels and Tommy Europe). But I am missing that kick in the pants as well as some help with my running program.

I made it a goal to be under 30 mins in the Harry Rosen Spring Run-Off 5K in April 2012 (why do I keep picking races that happen during cold weather??) Anyway...I can't keep starting and stopping and not getting anywhere. Tired of repeating things.

I am also excited to do some potential day time stuff. There are some great 30 minute lunch time classes that I could fit in. Looking forward to it :)

Other than that, the Moroccan comes home tomorrow! Very excited. Long 2 weeks. Time to get ready for my class tomorrow. Have a great weekend.

First week back OP

So...first week back. Did pretty well Monday-Friday. Lost 4.4 lbs. I know that most of that is water weight, but whatever...I'll take it.

Friday was when it started to unravel. I held a staff appreciation lunch for my admin and teaching staff. Catered sandwiches, salads, and 3...count em 3 desserts! I only supplied one of those, then two teachers each brought cake! I didn't want to offend either of them, so I took a small bit of each.

Anyway, it was like that lunch was the key to open the flood gates. I got Swiss Chalet for dinner....mmmmm, festive special! Saturday I had an egg and cheese mcmuffin and a double double. Lunch was chicken fingers and potato wedges. Dinner was pasta (tortellini) with chicken, with some Lays Kettle Chips (mesquite) thrown in for good measure as a snack. Oh, plus an orange crush. Today was a breakfast bagel...preogies (spelling), and some apple blossom thing. I feel so bloated and that I just wasted my first weekend back.

There is no longer any bad/tempting food in my house. Tomorrow I will stock up on fresh produce and decent grains. If I prep everything properly, there should be no more backsliding like this weekend.

I've heard this is common....falling apart on the weekends. Part of it is lack of routine. There is also that sense of relaxation and sense of entitlement. But here's the question...what do I feel entitled to eat bad food? Why is there no sense that I am entitled to work out and feel good about myself? What do I need to do to switch the trigger from food to other things? That is my constant struggle.

My goal for this week? Re-read/finish reading The Beck Diet Solution because it has a lot of great cognitive information it that was really helpful when I was looking at it last year. My issues are psychological (that's saying a lot eh??) so I am going to work through the Beck program and see what happens.

Now...for my real relaxation that doesn't involve food...bubble bath with my goats milk foam bath!! (oh, and you know how people say to take a bath to curb temptations cause you can't eat in the bath? Ya, that's not true...you can totally eat in the bath...not proud of it, but in my old life I've eaten everything from cookies to nachos (yes nachos) in the tub! Ugh. Hint? Hold the item over the edge so the crumbs don't land in the water...sigh...I hate that I know that!)

I'm off for a bubble bath sans food! Have a great Sunday!!

2nd day back at 'er

This is my second day back on the wagon. Doing well with tracking. I've also turned down some pretty big temptations...like a student giving me a Kinder Bueno bar for "Halloween". Maybe she misunderstood the holiday? Whatever, it was cute :) I tossed that thing so fast in my desk drawer it was like a lightening strike! Think I'm gonna have to somehow hide that thing in my co-worker's desk!

Exercise plan for tomorrow...will prep my food for tomorrow tonight. I am working till about 9 pm tomorrow, so I need two meals, or I need safe snacks till I get home and can make something more substantial. Though, that brings into question whether it's ok to eat dinner at 9 or 9:30 at night. I feel more "hunger satisfaction" when I eat my dinner when I get home. I find if I eat dinner at 5 or 6, I am really hungry by the time I get home. Could be psychological, or maybe I'm just not eating the right thing for dinner. I'll try it both ways.

My BF is once again in Morocco. Well, for the second time this year, lol. I say it like he's always taking off for Morocco. He just doesn't normally go more than once a year. It's Eid Al-Adha...their biggest holiday in the year. Then...for the first time EVER, he's coming home to BC with me for Christmas! Exciting. This is a little off-topic, but it's the first time in 4 years :)

Here's to an OP day tomorrow. Some challenges next week when I go on a business trip to Montreal and Ottawa, but I will tackle them the best I can.

Have a great week.

Well...I went back

To weight watchers that is. I can't do meetings because my schedule won't allow for it, so I signed up for the online program. I was hesitant in doing this since I'm essentially paying for tracking and I could get that for free at myfitnesspal. However...I think I needed a monetary incentive. I need to reminders to weigh in, and the slight pressure of wasting something I've paid for.

A few months ago I dropped Weight Watchers. Didn't feel as though the new plan was working for me. I probably didn't give it much chance. Since my first and second successful forays into WW I kinda did the plan 1/2 or 3/4 when I did do it. This kept me around the 145 range. After I lost my first amount of weight, I lost the commitment I guess. I've been feeling pretty lousy lately. Clothes not fitting the same, extra jiggle in my walk. Today, on a whim, I stepped on the scale........

159 lbs......

I am up almost 15lbs in the last 6 months I guess. Holy crap. That had my literally running to my computer to sign up for WW Online. Half-assed does not cut it. Giving in to stress and eating a chocolate bar doesn't cut it. I cannot do moderation. If I have a little bit, I have it all. I've never learned the moderation rule. Time to exercise some "wantpower" instead of "willpower". Tracking and exercise work...this is not a difficult equation.

I need to follow through on my commitment and get to where I want to go and stop just waiting for it to happen to me and being pissed off and unhappy when it doesn't.

Weigh-in is this Friday. Wish me success (luck has nothing to do with something I have full control over!)

Don't you hate it when...

The gym is freaking busy?? On the day your motivation is riding high and you really want to work out and there is not one machine available...not one! This is my condo gym, not a big corporate one or anything, but still. I think that they could have made our gym bigger...we have two buildings sharing one set of amenities and it only has 3 treadmills, with only 2 of them being operational right now. Gah...I hate it when this happens!! I still have my runner's high from Sunday and I am determined to make it continue till tomorrow.

I am also tracking my food...I'm 115 calories over my daily intake :( Damn lasagana-esque dinner I had. It was really yummy though, and I had veggies with it :) I had anticipated eating only half of the regular serving, but it looked really big on my plate, so I'm thinking that I may have actually measured out closer to the full serving, so I counted the full serving calories. Le sigh to being accountable.

Work is stressful as always...but I am more determined to not let that dictate what I eat. I turned down McDonalds and banana bread today. Repeatedly. That's progress :)

Here's hoping the gym's not busy tomorrow morning!

Did my First 5K!

Today was the Scotiabank Toronto Waterfront Marathon that had the marathon (of course), half marathon, 10K, and 5K. I signed up for the 5K months ago when I was full of dreams and ambitions. I ran maybe, like 3 times in preparation for it. Just last week I had made up my mind to not do it. Consider my $50 registration fee as a donation to the variety of charities that were taking part. I had no motivation to do it. I felt fat and slow, and had this huge mental block that it was going to be super hard and that I wouldn't be able to do it.

I am not going to say it was easy, but nor was it extremely difficult. Did I runt the whole way? Ya, no. I walked a lot of it, but I ran a lot of it too. I made it in 38 minutes. For someone who has never ever run 5K in her life, I figured that was pretty damn good. Plus, it felt good. I enjoyed it, and it's given me the motivation I need to continue. I want to do the Harry Rosen Spring Run Off, and I figure if I work through this winter (hello treadmill), then I can make it a goal to run the whole way and improve my time. I'd love to be at the 30 minute mark (or under!) What I liked is that my Moroccan, who normally does these things in like 20 minutes with no training whatsoever, was only 13 minutes ahead of me. That felt good :)

I've also been toying with going back to Weight Watchers. I looked into meetings again, and at like $60 a month, that just isn't going to work. Online is just basically tracking, so I'm back to My Fitness Pal and my own willpower to set a weigh-in day and stick with it. I don't want to pay over $20 a month just to track. I am going to stick with my own calorie goal and my fitness goals and see how I do.

On a completely different note...does anybody get headaches when they exercise? I find that when I am going hard, I get massive headaches. I still have one from the run today. I used to do some pretty intense Jillian Michaels or Tommy Europe workouts and I'd be dying at the end, not from main body exhaustion (well, there was that too), but my head would be killing me. Enough to see a doctor you think? It's enough to make me scale back, or find excuses to not go as long, which I don't want to do. Just wondering.

Tomorrow is my new start. I am going to track tonight and ignore all the work temptations that are sure to come. Being in education sure does make you squishy! Students are forever bringing you things, having farewell parties, birthdays etc., and it's like a personal insult to them if you don't partake. *sigh* I love my field but, damn!

And in other unrelated news...I had a great week with my mom who was visiting from BC for Thanksgiving. I miss her so much. Hard to be on the other side of the country. We ate too much, toured around Toronto, and made me look forward to Christmas that much more!

I'm off to find more painkillers for this headache (Tylenol sucks!!) Happy Sunday :)

Looking for that wagon...again

I can't believe that my last post was about a month ago. I completely dropped the ball there. It's been a rough month with work and that has kind of spilled over into everything else.

To catch up, Ramadan is over. So the boy and I are back to normal on that front. I also have my 5K coming up in 4 short weeks. Yikes. Have I been training? Uh, ya, no. I started way back in August. Then stopped. I'm not sure what my excuse is this time. Work? Maybe. I work a lot. But that doesn't stop other people. Extreme laziness? Much more likely. I haven't gotten to the point where running is so much like second nature that I miss it when I don't do it. I have so much stress and so little free time that I am like one of those obsessive hoarders with the free time I do have. Exercise just isn't high up on the list of things I want to do when I have free time. This is likely because I think of exercise as work. I'm not sure if this is normal...is it? I don't think so. Who wants to do work? No one. So if I have that attitude then I am never going to do it. My mom is an inspiration on this front. She works out like 5 times a week, and feels as if her day is missing something if she happens to miss a day. If I miss a day I'm secretly (or not so secretly) thrilled because it's one less thing I have to do. That's not really conducive to what I'm trying to do here.

Some people argue that thinking of exercise as "work and therefore mandatory" will make it easier to do. I think I am about to buck that trend. I work 9-5, and then 6-8:30 pm, Monday to Friday, and then 9-1:00 pm on Saturdays. I sure as hell don't want to do anything else termed "work". I want to rest. I want relaxation...how do I change my viewpoint from exercise being something, like work, that I have to do, to something that I do to relieve stress, to relax etc.? Other people do it, and I am just not sure how they do it. Probably by just sucking it up and doing it, lol.

I know you have to do something you enjoy...and while I am not enthusiastically enjoying running just yet, I definitely don't hate it. I like the feeling of my muscles working, of stretching and lengthening as I open my stride. I love being in the zone and just focusing on my breathing and pushing through to levels I haven't been at before. I don't dislike it. That's not the problem. Well, except for running outside, I still have a love-hate relationship with that.

I've written before about changing my attitude about exercise to something I "get" to do, versus something I "have" to do. Obviously I am still struggling.

I have also been struggling with my eating. No tracking in any capacity. And definitely not making the best choices. There has been Mcdonalds, cupcakes, fish and chips, and general just bad food behaviour. I have to go back to some tracking system and dig down deep and find my willpower from wherever the hell it's been hiding the last 2 months. I can say no to a bloody cupcake...that's right...I CAN say no! My choice. Eff all those food pushers. The only person who has the final say on what goes in my mouth is ME. If I hurt someone's feelings because I refused food, so be it. My overall feelings of worth and health well being are far more important.

So...short story long...I am looking to climb back on that wagon. A little bruised and battered, and slightly squishier than I was a few months ago, but with grim determination to take some control of my life in light of the frickin chaos that is reigning in other areas that I can't control. I don't want to go back to where I was...perhaps that's motivation enough.

Here's to always climbing back aboard...have a great Sunday.