Created by MyFitnessPal - Free Calorie Counter

Sunday, 27 March 2011

Weigh In Day!

So, as promised I weighed in when I woke up this morning, annnnnnd......down 1.2! Currently sitting at 145.8. I am very happy with that result in one week. Because I am somewhat near to goal, I know I can't afford too many "treats". Yes, they're important, but I know from the past that the losing slows right down if I'm not diligent. Especially since, from what I've seen/heard from others who are following P+, that if they're not careful, the weight loss slows down, with the extra fruit allowed. I'm not sure if this is true, but I need to be careful regardless. I also need to incorporate vegetables....*sigh*....I hate vegetables. I am such a child, but I honestly hate vegetables. Raw is generally ok (with dip, lol), but cooked? Major ick. I hate the smell, I hate the texture, and I hate the taste. I have to really really work on eating vegetables. This journey would be so much easier if I just liked the darn things!

I worked out 3 times this week...yay! I am moving this coming week, so getting in my 2 times is going to be a challenge...but lifting and packing boxes, cleaning, and painting should make up for some of it. Although, and here's a question, do you count the unintentional exercise? The cleaning, painting etc? I saw a thread on the Awesome 20s board where someone was asking about counting that type of activity. I posted that I do not, I only count intentional exercise, because I don't want to think I can eat more than I actually can...thoughts from anybody else? I'm not going to count my moving activity, but I'm just curious as to what others think.

Anyway, I am going to have a lazy couple of hours (breakfast and movies in bed!), and then back to planning for my classes tomorrow. I might also throw in a couple of 10 Minute Trainer workouts....or I might not, lol.

Have a great Sunday :)

Saturday, 26 March 2011

No WI Yet

Fridays are supposed to be my weigh in day, but I missed yesterday. I don't think this is a good omen, lol. I had a field trip with my students Friday morning, and I stayed over at my bf's Thursday night and he doesn't have a scale (lucky b@stard stays at 138 NO MATTER WHAT...grrrr), and Friday night I stayed at his place again and missed my chance for this morning. But tomorrow I will definitely weigh in when I wake up. I'm not sure how it's gonna go, to be honest. I am trying my best, but I think I need more activity. This evening, before dinner, I am going to try the 10 Minute trainer (thank you torrent sites! lol). I'm going to do the lower body and cardio, because I think that's where I need the most work.

So I am working on keeping within my points...had a minor McDonald's set back at lunch. But, and this is an NSV for me, I left half of the fries on the tray. I was eating them, and thinking, ugh, these just don't taste good. I think cause they were fresh, and there was more grease or something than if they had been there for a few minutes...but anyway, I pushed them to the edge of my tray and finished my hamburger. I should have known better. I now only have 4 points left for the day. Dinner is going to be complicated, lol. I'm right now eating apple and a tablespoon of peanut butter (which is amazing btw, lol). I am worried about tonight cause the bf is at a cultural dinner for his community, and it's just gonna be me relaxing on my own, which means snacky time. I am going to try and keep it under control and just use my weeklies, plus add some activity points.

In other news, I move in 5 days! I will be a part owner of my very own tiny slice of Toronto real estate. Seriously, I think I've seen closets that are bigger, lol. No, seriously, it's not bad for a first purchase. The bf and I spent 2 months looking for it, had a couple deals fall through, and finally found something in the building we like, in the area we like, that we can actually afford. Well, we can afford the mortgage, maintenance fees etc, but holy crap are there a lot of extra fees! I knew we'd have about $2000 in lawyer fees with land transfer tax (living in Toronto, you get charged 2 taxes when purchasing a home...thank you government), her fees, etc., but I wasn't expecting the final bill total.......$7334 that we have to bring to the lawyer's office to close the deal...*gulp* That's gonna hurt. Put that with moving expenses and April is gonna be a very very expensive month....nevermind eating fries, I'll be the one behind the counter asking you if you'd like fries with your meal!

Better get on with my Saturday exercise...gotta psych myself up for it...I hate exercising on the weekend...I think for me, exercising is like work, and I only work during the week, lol. Here goes nothing, gotta burn off my lunch :)

Wednesday, 23 March 2011

Sticker shock!

But surprisingly good sticker shock! I was updating all my info today and I put my starting weight as 150, cause that's how I was feeling....stepped on the scale before my 30 DS, and........drummmmmrollll please!

147! I was 143 when I "ahem" lost track...I am very happy with only a 4lb gain...especially since I had clothes on (I never step on a scale clothed), and it was 5:30 pm (I normally weigh in when I wake up). This is motivating. I can now update the My Fitness Pal ticker! Instant weight loss : ) Makes the journey seem much shorter now, those little 3 lbs.

That being said, I am quite happy with today. I ate what I was supposed to eat, I tracked, and I just finished my workout. I did have a cupcake, but for like the first time ever, I tracked the indulgence. Normally I just ignore it, in the hopes that if I don't acknowledge it, then it never happened. No more of that laziness/denial. I saw the chips in my pantry and ignored them. I have chicken defrosting, and a yummy chicken broccoli pasta thing that I am going to try for dinner (anyone been to AMAZING, sure all the recipes call for Kraft products, but everything I've tried has been delicious).

I've decided that my weigh in day will be Fridays. I need Friday night as an indulgence night (a little bit). So I want a little something extra for the weekend. Rather than fight my normal pattern, I might as well plan for it.

Anyway...6 tests and report cards to mark/do, dinner to cook, and an appalingly (is that a word?) dirty/messy apartment to clean. Better get going if I'm gonna get some sleep :)

p.s. I learned how to put in code! I feel so tech savvy! I know this is simple stuff, but it's all knew to me :)

Day 2 - Exercise!

I did it...I made a plan to work out, and I did. I did the 30 Day Shred level 1. I've never progressed past level 2, but I'm hoping to make it there someday. I didn't do so well in the eating. When I got home I had a small bowl of chips and half a cup of chocolate milk. Why I decided to do this right before I was set to work out, I am not entirely sure. I saw them on my pantry and just gave in. The fact that I still worked out is a major plus for me.

As for the rest of the day, it was decent. Had my regularly planned meals, except at breakfast where I had one of the yogurts from Tim's, and a double double instead of my regular WW bagel and light cream cheese. Lunch was turkey on dark rye with lettuce, tomato, and mustard, with minestrone soup, and dinner is spinach and ricotta stuffed chicken breast with baked potato and veggies. I am seriously behind with my water, so I'll have to step that up.

Last night was a major one for me. I had already made the commitment to come back to this, but last night as I was getting ready for bed, my bf caught a glimpse of me changing......the look on his face said it all. We ended up getting into a huge fight because I had gained so much weight in the last couple months and he didn't realise. I know ppl will say he's a major a-hole because of making comments about my weight, but I don't see it as being superficial or mean. Honesty is honesty...if he's not attracted to me looking a certain way, he is entitled to feel that way. Just the same as I would be entitled to not be attracted to him if something changed in his appearance. But we ended up fighting because I got hurt (heart and brain are two very different things!) and my frustrations just connected with his frustration, and we ended up having it out. But it made me open my eyes. I am disappointed in myself...but to see that mirrored in him was heartbreaking.

I don't know if this is good or not, but I want to do this as much for him as for me. I deserve to look and feel my best, but doesn't he deserve to have a gf that looks her best? I'm sure some feminists out there would smack me...but though we try to ignore it and argue otherwise, humanity is very superficial. How many studies have been done on first impressions and the fact that better looking people get better jobs, promotions, etc.? I know he likes me for me personality wise, but I don't see an issue with also wanting to improve my outer shell as well.

My plan of attack for Wednesday is:

1) Water
2) Eat my planned meals and track it in my calorie counting app (cause I no longer have access to the WW tracker)
3) Either hit the gym, or do the Shred again
4) Ignore the chips on the pantry...I will save them for my movie night on Saturday, where I will track it, and accept it.

In other news...I get to move in 8 days!! We bought a condo and take possession next Thursday! Very excited :)

Day 1 of my new beginning

Today is my take back my life day. I said that I would give myself the weekend and on Monday (yes, the cliched, proverbial Monday) that I would start fresh yet again. I will say I finished my weeked spectacularly at the Mandarin buffet restaurant. If you've been there, you know, if you havent, well, wear stretchy pants and a tummy hiding shirt is all I have to say. 

This morning I am starting with my now apparently customary double double from tim's (damn you roll up the rim!!) I need to input this into my calorie counter app, but I don't think it's going to go very well :S I will have a WW bagel with light cream cheese for breakfast and hopefully (if my subway hurries up!) will have fruit for a snack (need to hit loblaws before work), along with a frozen thing for lunch with veg, and who knows for dinner. Today also marks my first foray into the gym since like January. It's going to hurt and I'm trying to psych myself up for that. Not sure I I'm succeeding, but whatever.

Anyway, I've also decide that I need some goals. Small, attainable, non-scary goals. They are:

1) exercise a minimum of twice/week...this really needs to be more, but I need something easy right now

2) drink water like it's going out of style

3) plan my meals an actually follow thru

4) Understand and control my food fixation

I am not going to make pounds lost goals, I am not going to make a goal that I will fit into a certain size, because I really need to wrap my head around the concept that I just need to be healthier, I don't need to be smaller. Well, I mean I do need to be smaller to be healthier, but I've found that there is so much fixation on what you look like versus how you feel. It's too much pressure.

#4 is especially important to me. When my boyfriend asked me if I wanted to go to Mandarin to celebrate his brother's gf's birthday, I jumped at the chance. And I ended up persuading him that we should go. Not because I really wanted to celebrate a birthday (although, please don't get me wrong, that was nice...she is a nice girl and I like her), but because of the food opportunity. The opportunity to gorge myself on delicious-ness was too much to pass up. My bf was on the fence...I mean, it is $24/person. And I persuaded him that we should go. This is an attitude that needs to be evaluated and examined, to see if I can find the root of my fixation. I believe that this will be the key to me permanently losing weight. I read something that made sense (though of course, the implementation has been difficult) was that we should only really treat ourselves to things that are truly treats. That caramel popcorn I only get once a year when my mom makes it at Christmas? Total treat, and I should indulge. McDonald's hamburger and fries? What, is McDonalds going out of business tomorrow? No? Then I probably don't need to indulge. It ain't goin anywhere! This has been hard, but it's what I'm going to try and focus on. plan for today?

1) Eat the food I outlined above with something healthy for dinner...I see chicken and veggies in my future, maybe a baked potato

That is steps


After re-reading some of my posts from an old blog on the WW site, I see a trend. I make plans to get back on track, I'm good for a few days, a few weeks, maybe even a few months, and then, poof, gone. I'm not going to beat myself up about it. I know it's a problem, and creating more guilt than necessary isn't really going to help me.

Instead, I think I have to look at my mental attitude. Frankly, I'm scared to get to goal. When I used to be a competitive athlete, my national team coach once told me that he thought I was scared of success. At the time I thought he was absolutely insane...all I wanted was to succeed, how could I be scared of success? At this point in my life I understand what he was saying. I am absolutely terrified of success. I have not, in my recent memory, been below 140 lbs. I don't know what it feels like. I don't know who I am at a weight below 140. Am I still me? Will everything that brought me down before still bring me down? Will I even like how I look at my goal weight? How will I maintain it? Obviously I know how to do the wrong things, otherwise I wouldn't be in the chubby situation I am in now. So what happens, is that a few months in, I lose focus, let life interrupt, and start making excuses.

I gave up meetings. I basically tossed WW out the window. My bf and I started looking for a condo in January. Almost every single day after work we were looking at places, signing documents, or meeting with people. I lost my workout time. I don't work out on the weekends. I do all of my work on the weekdays, and use the weekends to actually relax. I seemed to have tossed out all my healthy habits as well. Exercise? yup, gone. Tracking, planning, and actually eating a vegetable? Tossed. I can see myself falling, and am not really doing anything to stop it.

On Thursday I said that this would be my last junk food type weekend. That starting next week I will re-commit to planning my meals and actually eating whole, non-processed foods. I am becoming addicted to junk food, and that's not good. I seriously think that I have an overeating problem. Because I can't say no to food. No matter what. And if it's a choice between home cooked and eating out, eating out will win 9 times out of 10. I wasn't always like that. It's as if I have this mentality that the food is somehow going to disappear. I live in a fairly prosperous country...the likelihood of me starving is like slim to none. But the feeling persists. I don't think I'm ready to look for a support group or anything, but it's not a feeling that I am comfortable with. This is something that I have to learn to control. The food will not disappear. If I don't have chips tonight, it's not the end of the world. This is going to take some time.

In the meantime...I need to start exercising again. I've let it slide since the great condo search of 2011, but it's the only thing that keeps me going. I need to enjoy it again. Make it part of my routine. But I also need to realise that a slip is just a slip, not a full blown car wreck. One day is nothing...two days is starting something, but one day? Who cares? That is so small in the grand scheme of things. So I am going to go back to baby steps.

1) Hit the gym 2x/week - if I do more, fantastic
2) WATER - people can't live off of diet coke
3) Plan my meals. If I can spend 30 minutes playing Angry Birds, I can spend 30 minutes planning my weekly menu

That's it for this week. I have found that give me something out of control, and I will give up something that I can control in order to try and control the thing I can't control. Twisted, I know. So for example, back when I started condo searching, I couldn't control when we looked at units, and I couldn't control when the agent needed us to sign papers. So I gave up exercising and planning entirely. Another example...when my dad died, I didn't so much fall off the wagon as jump wholeheartedly into the weeds on the side of the road. Eating and exercising are two big things, and when I am faced with a multitude of big things, I will give up the easiest ones to give up. This needs to stop. 

But let's start with baby steps. After all, even babies learn how to run eventually.


*Note: I had another blog, but I really didn't like my title, so I am trying again and just re-posting my recent stuff....sorry :)

This isn't my first blog post, but it is certainly my first blog post on something other than just blogs built into other web sites I use (WW for example). The reason for the change now? I need accountability. Almost 3 years ago I decided to lose weight. I lost over 40 lbs, and have managed to basically keep that off +/- 5 lbs-ish). The problem? The last 10-20 of course. Isn't that always the problem? I have had great success with Weight Watchers, and while I haven't tried their new program, I'm sure it's as great as the previous one. The problem is that I can no longer afford to attend WW meetings, and frankly, even the online cost is too much for me right now. Just bought a condo in downtown Toronto...need I say more?

So I need accountability. I am allowing myself to rest on whatever laurels I had, and those laurels are starting to get pretty soft at this point. My work schedule isn't insane. Outside commitments are not a problem. So I honestly have zero excuses. None. Zilch. Well, aside from looking for a condo, and dealing with that stress. But the condo deal has been firm for 2 weeks now. So why am I sitting in bed with two bags of opened chips beside me? I think it's complacency. Therefore, I have decided to start something that can keep me going. I will also admit at this point that I just finished watching Julie and Julia, and her blogging totally inspired me. But nevermind that. I have tried journalling the old fashioned way, but I'm figuring that they must have an app for blogspot, so making this electronic seemed like the most logical conclusion.

So that's why I'm starting. And here's what I promise:

1) To update this blog at least once a week (personal pet peeve of mine, non-updating blogs)
2) To not whine...too much
3) To be completely and totally honest about my journey.

In addition I will make certain journey goals and countdowns that I will post about regularly.

So, for whoever reads this...thanks. Perhaps a commitment to updating will be just the commitment I need :)