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Tuesday, 28 February 2012

Still mother effing sick!!

WTF???? That's all I have to say. I stayed home 2.5 days last week because of a head cold. Then I think I am getting better and the frickin thing moves into my chest and now I have a cough, no voice, and STILL have the congestion. I had to leave work early to come home. Slept for 2 hrs and still felt like crap.

My co-workers think it's cause I didn't stop exercising. I don't think that. I am not pushing myself too hard. Nothing is causing me discomfort. I actually feel better when I am doing it cause it clears out my nose (TMI I know, lol). But now that I have lost my voice and the cough is coming, I'm thinking to give exercise a rest. Definitely the cardio anyway. I'm not going to run tomorrow...or maybe I'll just go for a brisk walk. I don't want to cut it out already. I feel like I have momentum and don't want to give that up.

Here's the other thing. For the first time since I got sick, I want greasy comfort food. The thought of cooking food for myself just tires me out. I got the bf to order swiss chalet tonight. Fries. Gravy. Roll. Butter. Yum, but not so good. My stomach is already rebelling because I've been eating fairly clean for the past week and a half.

I'm not upset about the Swiss Chalet. I'm upset about why I wanted Swiss Chalet. I wanted it because of an emotional desire to have it. I am sick. I am a little whiney (lol), and I definitely wasn't up to cooking. Do you think it qualifies as emotional eating when you're sick? I'm not sure. I'm going to say yes. Because for me, I need control. There was no physical craving for the food. It was all emotional.

This is something that I will be going over in my counselling session tomorrow. This emotional pull. I am trying to go over it with my trainer. She told me that I can have 2-3 "cheat" meals per week. Now, I'm thinking that her cheat meal and my cheat meal are completely different. For me, a cheat me could be like all out. For her, it's using miracle whip. I think there's a disconnect. I told her that I am going to need some guidelines. She told me, no, this is important, you need it. And I told her, yes, I understand that, but with me, control is a HUGE issue. I need guidelines or I will push that boundary and I will end up having the 2-3 "cheat" meals in one meal and think nothing of it. For example, I asked her, ok, what about a dinner out at East Side Marios...pasta dish, bread, caesar cheat or 3-in-one? She texted back: 3 in one!!!!! See? Disconnect.

I just want to be better :( I also want someone to show me how to put real emoticons in my blog posts, but that's another story.

Back to resting.

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