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Tuesday, 17 January 2012

Food Addiction...

I have a food addiction. There is no denial. I am addicted to food. I love it. I will love it to the point that it makes me sick. I am trying to conquer this on my own. But I don't know if I can.

I am quite vocal about my fitness and diet aspirations. I have a co-worker (doesn't everyone??) who is naturally thin, brings carrots and celery sticks for lunch with a sandwich on dense German bread with some type of healthy ingredient in it. I love her. Truly. This is not a hate-on-your-co-worker story. But it is a she-doesn't-understand story. I told my co-workers about my crescent roll lapse. And she kinda rolled her eyes and was like, "oh it's just one day", or "oh, it's just one chip," etc. And I'm like, no, you don't understand. One chip will crack me. One chip will throw me over the edge to where I am thinking "why bother, it's too hard, this tastes so good" and before I know it my gym clothes are gathering dust and me and McD's are intimate friends again. It's such a slippery slope, and I feel like I am always teetering on the edge.

I don't think I can afford counselling. I looked at my insurance plan and it only covers $500.00/year and is shared with my other paramedical expenses (think massage and chiropractic). Aren't counselling sessions like $100.00/hour? That doesn't seem doable if my insurance won't cover it. I also looked at Overeaters Anonymous. Didn't know that was a Christian organisation. I'm not Christian. I'm not anything actually (wooo, makes living with my Muslim bf soooo much fun sometimes!) I don't think I'd be comfortable following a program centred around God saving me and giving me the strength to proceed etc. etc. if I don't believe in that. Grrrrr, it's so frustrating! I'm not in denial! I have a problem! I just don't know how to fix it! FML!

Well that felt good : ) Little bit of a rant. Until I figure out what I can do to externally fix my problem, I'll just have to keep trying to work internally.

On another 2 of week 2 of Insanity done : ) Definitely sweating! It was pure cardio...HARD. But still going strong!

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