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Wednesday, 6 April 2011

Stress and the Resulting Gain

I am having a rough couple of days. On the good news front, I got a new job. Well, this is supposed to be good news. However, now I am stressing out over giving notice. I have never given notice before. Jobs have always ended naturally for me. Yes, on a couple occasions it wasn't MY decision, lol...but usually I have left jobs because they ended, or I went back to school, etc. I have never changed jobs. I am a certified ESL teacher (I have to put certified, because people erroneously think that being an ESL teacher is somehow easier than being an elementary/high school teacher, but we do the same level of education to prepare)...and I really like my job/career. I chose it because I love English (I'm a dork), and originally I wanted to be a university professor in English literature. Doing my Master's degree killed that ambition...another 6 years with no guarantee of a stable future? HELL NO. So I took my TESL (teaching English as a second language). Now I have marketable skills.

Anyway...I got hired right out of school at an international language school in Toronto. I was very very lucky. ESL jobs are just as hard to come by as elem/high school jobs. I have stayed with the same school since then (so, like a year and 3 months-ish). I love my students, they are great. I love the program I teach (academic English, preparing them for Canadian college), and I love my coworkers (usually! no one is perfect). My school has some issues, but I've learned to roll with it. Several months ago I started actively looking. My hours got cut in January (along with everyone else's) and I went from making $3000-3500 a month to $2200!! Ouch. That stung. So I needed something else. Well, I found a position that was half teacher, half academic director. So rather than just teaching, I would also be responsible for hiring/firing teachers, creating programs, assessment etc. basically everything my current supervisor does. The pay is ok. The school is in the process of rebranding after a partner ran it into the ground, and so the salary doesn't really indicate my experience or education, but I guess the important thing here is potential. There is huge potential as the school grows, and for me to become the director of the school. But, and this is HUGE in ESL teaching...there are benefits, AND paid vacation. That is like the holy grail for ESL teaching, lol. That, along with the potential, and the slight salary increase, made my decision for me. I am at the top where I am now. I am the head of my program, I make the most of the ESL teachers...there is nowhere else to go.

Sooooo, short story long, lol, I am completely torn up about leaving. I know what my departure is going to mean...please don't think I'm being egotistic! I don't mean to sound arrogant, but my leaving is going to cause some huge problems, because it will be hard to find someone qualified to teach my program. Plus, I'm really going to miss my students.

Also, there is so much uncertainty...I am leaving something that I am completely comfortable with, for the unknown. Ask anyone who knows me...I don't deal well with change. What if I fail? What if I am a good teacher, but I suck at the director stuff? What if the new boss, who sounded so nice during the interviews, turns out to be like Miranda, a la The Devil Wears Prada? Ugh...I hate the unknown!

Now, I don't know if I'm going to gain this week. It seems likely, cause with the painting going on in my new condo, I haven't hit the gym, and I haven't been a diligent tracker this week :( That and a little bit of stress eating does not spell scale success. But I am trying to remind myself that one week is one week. It's not my whole life. It will get better. *sigh* Not to mention other stuff going on right now...I got cussed out in Portuguese this morning because my school has a strict English only policy. When students speak another language, they get this little tickets, and they have to do some sort of punishment. So I caught a girl, and as I was walking away, she cussed me out in her language. Our receptionist, who speaks Spanish, understood what she was saying, and told me. Doesn't make you feel good. If you break the rules, you get a exceptions.

So that's my very long sob story for today! Sorry for the rambling. Had to get it out there :) Any suggestions to feel better??

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