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Thursday, 3 May 2012

Nearing the end

Of my 3 month commitment with my personal trainer. I really couldn't afford her the first time, and I definitely can't afford a renewal. And I'm not even sure I would renew. In the beginning, let's say the first 6 weeks, it was great. But after I hurt my back and had some limitations I felt that she just kinda checked out. Stopped checking in with me on my off days, and I got 2 at home workouts in the entire 12 weeks. I personally would have thought that the amount of money paid for this I would have gotten more than 2 at home workouts. Then there's this attitude in the workouts. And honestly, I don't like it. Today I was going through mountain climbers (I hate mountain climbers) and she kept pushing (but let me make it clear that it wasn't positive pushing, it had a rough angle to it that I didn't like) and she kept saying "go! you ate crap, you have to get that crap out!" Uh, when did I say I ate nothing but crap?? I said I had a rough time on Saturday and Sunday, but it wasn't even close to how bad my eating was in the past. I just kinda had bigger portions of some things like carbs and salt. That does not equate yelling at me during mountain climbers. And I stopped and told her that. Not cool.

It's like as soon as I started to struggle, she checked out. wtf? Isn't that when I need her the most?? And today when I told her that I was getting frickin tired of trying so hard, tired of being healthy (like I usually am at this point, like 3-4 months in), all she said was "gotta control the mind". Uh, ok...sure, I'll get right on that. Good advice. I know I need to control my mind! But perhaps I need external motivation and support to help me. That's what I was looking for.

See, this is my pattern...I am gung ho for about 3 months-ish...then I falter and I start to wear down and lose my motivation. That's why I got a personal trainer, to get me past that point. I'm just not sure it's working. It doesn't matter regardless. Even if I was 100% sure about everything, I can't afford to renew. So I will have to go back to doing it on my own. I have a lot of resources at my disposal, and maybe I need to work out my own demons by myself.


  1. Im sorry but the only thing that is going to help you achieve your goals is internal motivation. You can't expect anyone to "push you" because quite frankly if you can't push yourself your not going to let anyone else do it either. Perhaps you haven't found the right motivation quite yet to make it stick and to help you through that tough spot. Perhaps she realized you didn't have the proper internal motivation? What else can she do for you if she knows your not going to do it for yourself or be willing to continue after the 3 months are up? You can only make the choice about how you are going to live. No one else can do that for you.

    1. I agree with you. I agree about the internal motivation. Perhaps my biggest struggle is finding the internal motivation several months in. That's the key. I'm working on continuing the motivation. What was it for you? You've had a very inspiring journey, so while of course it's different for everyone, how did you keep going? What works for me (I think) is planning. If I plan (meals, groceries, work outs) then I can keep going.