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Thursday, 4 August 2011

Stress Eating

I stress eat...a lot. It's been a hard week. A hard 2 months. I am trying to think of stress relievers that don't involve food. I do exercise sometimes. But sometimes my body just wants to collapse. I suppose that's ok, as long as I don't eat while I'm collapsed.

I almost lost my job this week. Through no fault of my own. My company took over another company and it's been 2 months of fighting with the company being taken over because (and understandably so) they were scared of us taking their jobs. However, they were so scared, that they looked at ANYTHING we did as being hostile, which it completely wasn't. We were simply trying to explain how the company works, but every word we said was ignored. Well...they are now suffering because of their denial. I found out last week that a previous director of another school was coming to meet with both schools (we're not merging until August 15). We weren't told why he was coming, but I had a pretty good idea. Two months ago my big bosses insinuated that we would all be working together, and that my position and my equivalent at the other school would diversify the position and there would be two people as co-directors I suppose. It was only in the last couple weeks that we started feeling that this would not be true.

So the guy from head office comes and speaks with the other school, and then with me, and told us both "I'm here to decide who stays and who goes." To say I was stressed would be an understatement. I had left a decent, solid position 5 months ago because this position was supposed to be a step up, and here I was, re-interviewing for a position I already had. I was not happy. Not to mention that I still had to work with the people of the other school because the merge is literally days away. So I had my meeting on Tuesday, and I've been waiting since then to find out if I still have a job or not.

In that time I ate cheese pizza, a chicken club with fries and gravy, 3 grilled cheese sandwiches (I think, maybe 2), birthday cake, and potato salad. I tracked everything on myfitnesspal, but stress should not lead to this type of food. There has to be a better way to not give in to my stress eating. In the 3 years since I've been on my journey I have learned a lot of things, but I haven't quite tackled stress eating. Maybe because I make a joke out of it? Maybe I'm not taking stress eating seriously enough, and just laugh it off when I do indulge because of stress.

I need to establish a recognition system that allows me to analyse the root of my eating before the event actually happens. Gravy isn't going to make my problems disappear, so why do I use that type of food to make myself feel better? What is behind the term "comfort food"? Why do people seek solace in food? Maybe the answer to those questions will help me with my own stress eating. This is my next task.

On the exercise front, day 3 of week 1 of C25K is tomorrow...that and some squats and lunges and maybe a swim and I will be good to go.

Hopefully the stress will die down...I did find out today that I get to keep my job. I feel really bad for the other director. We had about a week to prepare for this. It was unfair on all sides. But as an ESL teacher in this economy, I have to just be glad that I am still employed.

On that to bed.

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