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Sunday, 22 July 2012

It's that time of year again...

This is my 4th Ramadan. Gets better every year. No I do not fast, but I have a lot of emotional issues tied with Ramadan. Seriously, the first year, my bf and I had been dating for about 6 months and he's like, so in about a week I'm not going to be able to see you for 30 days. I was like, what now? He said, ya, Ramadan is coming and I fast from sun up to sun down. I laughed. I'm not going to lie, I totally laughed. I thought he was joking! Then I had to google it and found out that in Islam they fast for a frickin month every year. News to me. What was also news to me is that during daylight hours, there is absolutely no touching between members of the opposite sex. He even wanted to go as far as just not see me for that month. After looking into it I argued back that it says touching...I can go without touching for 12 hours when we're together (once Iftar, or breaking of the fast, happens, you can touch again). So I didn't get banished for 30 days. But he slept in the living room. For fear of cuddling me after sunrise while he was still asleep. Believe me, on a single bed that's difficult!

And the whole no touching thing?? Ya, totally harder than expected. You try it. You try going an entire day without touching the person you're with. See how hard it is. No hand holding, no brushing away a piece of hair, and definitely no kissing or anything of that sort (and DEFINITELY no, ahem, you know). Now when you think about it, usually the only time you abstain from touching is when you're fighting. To me it felt like 30 days of fighting. No affection. No intimacy. It was really difficult. Since that first Ramadan he's mellowed a bit. He'll even hug me during the day. He'll allow me to kiss the top of his head (that's the way that Moroccan parents and children kiss each other). He'll allow me to scratch his back. To just be able to touch him is a big comfort for me. He'll even now briefly touch me during the day. Nothing sexual, just affection. Took 4 years to get to this point, but I'll take it. The emotional issues I alluded to before come with this feeling of isolation and lack of intimacy and affection that comes with Ramadan. But, I've gotten better, and he's gotten better, so it doesn't feel so bad this year. one area. Because his parents are here, apparently he is adhering to ALL of the rules of Ramadan. Now, I don't know if this is a rule of Ramadan, cause honestly I think it's a rule of Islam in general, but he's just choosing to follow it more strictly during Ramadan than he obviously does during the rest of the year. This has to do with the behind closed doors intimacy (or, you know, in a public space if you're into that). In previous Ramadans, once Iftar happens, it's fair game. We hold hands, we kiss, etc. etc. (emphasis on the etc., cause apparently I'm a prude, lol). But this year? Yes, kissing and hand holding fine, but he WON'T put out! Apparently I am now celibate for the next, let's see, 28 days? News flash to me. If I had known that, I wouldn't have brushed him off the last night before Ramadan started, lol. I thought it would be like previous years. His parents like to walk around after dinner, so that's really the only time we have to be "together". But I tried last night and he shot me down. It's Ramadan he said. Since when has that stopped us before? To be honest, I'm gonna see how long this lasts. In our first Ramadan he tried this as well. He lasted a week. I didn't initiate anything. I can respect his beliefs, so I'm not going to go after it. He came to me. So we'll see. In the meantime, I think this is gonna be a much longer 30 days than I anticipated!

On the health side of things. Because I can't eat in front of them, I have no choice but to pack my snacks and stuff and take them with me when I go places. Then I can't snack at home. I'm also calling the gym my second home, because that's where I'll be until Iftar every night. Yesterday I was able to be out of the house for 7 hours. Couple of those at the gym, the other few shopping for a baby gift for my best friend. Right now I'm fricking hungry and thinking of how I can smuggle my protein shake into my bedroom, lol. They're napping right now, so I think I should jump on the opportunity! Here's hoping this has the effect I hope it will on my weight loss!

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